Monday, April 28, 2008

Questions

I'm getting the.. I need to move itch again. I think it happens when I feel like I am done with something. Or that it can only go down from here.

That's how I feel today.

I don't get super excited about coming to work. I wish I did. And part of me wonders if that is because I'm not where I am suppose to be or if it's just the place. I love the people but I could do with out the work frustrations.

I NEED a functional computer that I can print off of. That is reliable. A month is just TOO long to go without. And I'm so tired of skipping around from office to office. I feel like a nomad with no home. Either I'm down in the dungeon of the church (in my office) where no one comes and no one knows that I'm there, or I am hoping from office to office trying to get things done.

I feel like all of these emotions, and others of frustration, take up most of my days energy. I don't want to feel like a lackey anymore and I want to start feeling like I am actually making a difference.

On a happy note I had the best Sunday I have had in a long time! We bought Mario Kart for the Wii and had friends over. We had so much fun. I laughed until I cried several times! It feels so good to laugh until you almost pee your pants, but yet not.

When everyone left Eric and I went for a walk to the coffee shop and got Italian ices... they were really great. We got there right before they closed.

Than we watched Juno. Great movie. Still absorbing it all.

So I needed that after the grind of work right now. I am still discerning if it is the situation that I am in that makes this job so draining or if this isn't what I am meant to do. I feel that others are so sure that this is what I am suppose to do but why am I so drained from it then?!?!?!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

3 is the magical number

Wow.. 3 blogs in one day. Can you believe it?!?!?!

I'm DONE! Yup that's right. DONE and DONE! Well at least with the paper. Should probably do a lot of other things that I don't feel like doing but I won't think about those just yet.

Just wanted to add a few pictures that I love of last weekend at home. We had our 2 1/2 year old niece all day and it was so much fun just to play all day! I wish we could see more of her.

Update for the Day

So I am almost done with the paper. It's suppose to be a rewrite of the first paper we wrote before we knew anything. It's turning out to be a total rewrite (7-8 pages). I thought I would have something to work from but it turns out, not really. I'm not really sure if that's a good thing, and means I have learned a lot. Or if it just means more work. I do however like this idea of going back and having to take a very raw look at your thoughts before a class starts and then answer the same questions at the end. Even though I feel stupid reading what I wrote, it is amazing how far I have come in 12 weeks.

Oh yeah, the class is on truth and meaning. The question I am answering is "why do we say that that bible is "true" what do we mean? And "what methods of interpretation best appreciate or correspond to that "truthfulness?"

Chew on that one for a while....

Boo to Papers!

So the trip to NeSoDak got canceled for today. So... what do you think that means. Yup, still haven't started my paper. So I have today till midnight. I can't watch tv this morning because Eric is playing boring football on the XBox. This SHOULD help me to get this paper done. Now all I need to do is find a way not to get on the internet every 2 minutes. It's not like anyone updates their facebook in this amount of time, but I still check, just in case.

I'm going to start for real this time... I'm serious people...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Winter, Winter, Go AWAY!

Because it is sleeting/snowing out at the end of April I decided that I need to change my page to be more springy. Just say NO to winter. Seriously God... can we finally have a little Spring and not just a tease.

I am suppose to be writing a final paper right now for a class but I just don't feel like it. So I have set a deadline for myself. 1pm... and then I FOR REAL have to start. I was going to get up this morning and get it done in the morning.. Yup, that didn't happen! Does it ever? So instead I sit on the couch, blogging and watching America's Top Model. I get sucked into that show. Why? I have no desire to be a model, nor do I really care much about the modeling business... but yet here I sit, watching. And this happens to me all the time. I like that really high fashion pictures. I think when they are on, they are beautiful. And maybe there is a respect there because I could never move my body like that.. I guess to start you would have to have a body like that. Or maybe it's just that I have really been into photography lately. Not that I am taking a lot of pictures but I think some people have such a gift for picking beauty out and capturing it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

What happened?

Yesterday I was driving home from work and was listening to the radio. There was a man and a woman talk show host and then they had a guy either call in or was there talking with them. Any how, the two guys were kind of ganging up on the girl and teasing her about being a girl and how girls find everything cute... especially if it costs money.

I think what really frustrated me was the woman talk show host was just giggling and acting like she was dumb. I think it was her way of being "cute". I couldn't help but think, why do women think that "playing dumb" translates into being "cute" and "lovable". Why can't women act smart, intelligent, the way that we are!

That's just my complaint for the day.. maybe the week. Women have always been intelligent, productive, held up the family, supported everyone else. When did this change in our society?!?!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Procrastination

Today is just another Wednesday....

The old ladies .. I mean quilters... just got here. They are all excited about working on their quilts and having their bi-monthly gossip afternoon. It always amuses me that they show up half and hour to 45 minutes before the time that they actually set the meeting for. AND if you show up 15 minutes before the set time.. you are late. I don't know if I will ever really get it. I wonder how stubborn our generation will be when we get old and what the young "kids" will say about us. Probably that we are senile and crazy. About 60-70 years till I get my walker.

I am suppose to be trying to figure out what I am going to write for a sermon. As you can see I am feeling less then motivated at this point. I haven't preached in over a month. The longer I go without preaching the less I feel like it. I need to find some motivation somewhere before tomorrow afternoon.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Limitations

Today while I was sitting in church I was thinking about human limitations. I know I should be thinking about Jesus, but my mind was a drift on our limitations as humans. Well, maybe my own encounter with my limitations as a human.

I am so bad at the word "no." I hate to say it, I'm bad at it. I always look like I'm constipated when someone asks me something that I can't do. I get that look on my face like I would really like to do it but I have to use that dreaded word... no.

Why can't I be all things to all people. Why can't I be a wife, mom, pastor, sister, daughter, friend... and do them all perfectly? When I put it down in words all I want to say is.. why of course you can't do it all! But in the midst of life we want to think that we can do it all. That nothing can stop us from having and doing everything.

We all know that this is not possible... in the less crazy side of our brains, but for some reason still push ourselves to be all to our families, to ourselves, and to everyone around us.

Limitations. Do they help us to remember that we are not God. And when we smack back into them again we understand again that we need more then ourselves. That we need others to get us through this life. And sometimes it's not pretty. Sometimes we can't be as good of a friend as we wish we could be. But in the end it is what it is. It is life.

I just don't have to like it all the time.