Expecations of Self

Such a good nights sleep. I took a little nap with Eli from 8:30-10pm. Then fed him and laid him down by 10:30pm. I was in bed by 11pm. He woke up at 3:30am... which means that he slept for 5 hours! Then had him back down and was in bed by 4am. Slept for another hour and a half. Got up for the day. That is like 7 hours of sleep! AMAZING!

I think part of this was because I came to a decision the previous night. I am not going to breast feed anymore, just pump. Eli isn't as interested and sometimes just gets really mad and then I get frustrated. It just isn't worth it anymore. We made it through a lot to be able to feed this long but I think all of the problems in the beginning just really started us out on a bad note. I should be thankful for the time that I did have and that he was willing to go along with it as long as he did. It's just hard because no matter what I still have to make up a bottle and feed him more. This skips a step now that I made this decision. And he seems to be happier. Once I get over my expectations of myself I realize that I am happier too. I have to just tell myself that he is still getting the benefits of it and that it might be totally different with the next one. This being a mother thing is harder mentally than I ever expected.

Totally Worth It

Life is good!

This morning before I left the house I looked over to the lazy boy chair only to see Eric and Eli sleeping together. My heart melted. Both my boys so peaceful. And the getting up every 1-2 hours last night was totally worth it!