umm....

It's such a beautiful day out and I'm at work. I'm okay with that... money is always good to survive, but I would just be so nice to go hangout outside.

I'm sitting at the infodesk again dreaming of taking a nap on my futon with the window open and the breeze coming in.... only 1:15 till then. Till I'm FREE! or at least kind of free.

I should be doing homework... but why do that when I can just stare out the windows in front of me.... dreaming of escaping.

We have also had kind of a messed up few weeks and it's hard to keep focused. I feel like I have already checked out and it's hard to check back in only for a week and a half.

I am also working on my working out more again. My friend SH and I are trying to get back into the walking thing for the next couple of months while I'm here. I really need just to get back into a routine of exercise again.

With all that said and my lack of interested in anything besides staring off into now where... I'm going to try to focus on some theories of the atonement..... maybe I will just try to put words into sentences... maybe understand them.

Things that make me smile

Yesterday I was hanging out at the desk... which I am wondering if I should just bring my sleeping bag and camp out there, it would save me on rent. That's a whole nother thought all together....

But I saw the most awesome thing in the world. Of all places in the OCC at LS was a man dressed in drag walking through the doors. It was awesome. I took a double take... how could you not?!?! It's not everday that I get to see that here. How fun!

A Volcano

I hate those zits that won't pop but hurt like a mofo....

I have a zit under my nose that has been just kind of hanging out all week. By all week I mean 2 days. During the night it decided to grow... grow so I can pop it.. NO... grow so it hurts more.. YES. I know you all can relate so don't act like you can't!

Oh yeah and my phone is possessed... I think I need to find someone to do an exorcism on it. Any takers? I try to call other people but it keeps calling Eric. Could be someone worse but always surprising when Eric answers the phone. I tried replying to a text message last night and it kept typing letters itself.. .wmwmamamemma um... no.. stop it.... and then it would send them. Ugh.. the hardships of life!

I found out last night that I'm not as strong as I would like to believe I am. I would like to think that I can take on the world and accomplish anything I set my mind to. Does this come from the way we were raised. Kind of the name it and claim in mentality in schools.

There has already been moments in my life which i have felt like what I wished for wouldn't happen or that I wasn't good at something. I think the first time I experienced this was my sophomore year of HS when I didn't make the VB team.

As I get more and more into adulthood I realize that there are things which I am not good and will never be good at and that's okay. But why is is so hard to be okay with that sometimes.

What got me thinking about this is my idea that I can not only be good at everything but that I'm okay by myself. That I can manage life without people and without having to rely on people. That relying too much will somehow lead me to ultimately getting hurt or disappointed.

I find myself talking myself into being okay with Eric not being around. And during the week I do a really good job. Life is crazy anyhow and I have the idea that if I just fill up my days I will be okay and never realize the lack of time with him or friends for that matter. Last night when I was thinking that I would get some good alone time in and relax...but I was lonely. I really missed him and just being here. I found myself realizing that I'm not okay being all alone. That no one is okay all alone. It's not about having an Eric in your life but a friend or two or five. I miss him because he is my best friend. I depend on people and that's okay. That's even a good thing.

Grey's

On the eve of Grey's I find my self anxious to see what tomorrow brings.

I don't think I have ever been this into a show before. I have like shows in the past. I have gone out of my way to see them. But I'm not sure if I have ever been this crazy about a show. This emotionally involved.

So what is it about Grey's that pulls me in? What is it about this show that I relate to so much? What is it about this show that so many people relate to? Is it the brokenness? Is the very human characters?

Well, whatever it is, I'm hooked! I find myself already preparing myself for tomorrows episode. In anticipation of what is to come and how I am going to feel.

Maybe its that I can focus on something outside myself and my life for an hour. And know that my life really isn't that crazy.... or is it?

Spring?!?!

So I'm really excited...

It smells like Spring. What does Spring smell like? Like warmth. Go with me on this one. This smell excites me.

But for how much longer?

Maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe I should just be happy with what is now. I should just be happy in God showing me what's to come. Spring just always makes me excited and makes me get excited about wearing sandels, tank-tops, shorts, all those kind of summery things. Spring reminds me of new life. Yay for new life!

I'm excited for the days to get longer. For the Sun to shine longer... which ALWAYS makes me less depressed.

It's like waiting for Christmas and your present.... but only it's warmth and not snow... Easter and the Risen Christ and not His birth. I think maybe I have been spending too much time in Seminary....

Long time no post

Sorry it's been such a long time since I have posted.

Jan. and the first part of Feb were ridiculous.. really good... but ridiculous. So much traveling and getting my friends and family time in. Really good times but a bit overwhelming. And then things screeched to a halt and classes started last week Tuesday.

And I was having so much fun...

Now I'm back into the reading, writing papers. I'm trying really hard to switch from doing ministry to learning again. I have found that I like the doing more then I like the learning. But I guess there is a season for everything.

Being at Pine Ridge reminded me of how much I love doing ministry. How much I love being around people and working. I love not focusing on myself but on something greater. It was a good thing because little bits of doing ministry help me get through this learning thing. But it makes me long for internship even more.

And the first week of school is always overwhelming... for everyone. It is always the task of getting everything organized so that you don't forget anything and starting in on the 400 pages which are assigned the first week. My classes are really good this semester and I really want to read and learn everything. But I'm afraid that's not always possible.... my best is what I have to give. I need to remember to give myself a break and schedule me time in.

Eric comes next weekend. I'm super excited about that! He said that I get him all Friday night and Saturday to do wedding stuff. Much needed wedding stuff. There are some decisions which need to be made and I need him. He has to suffer with me on this planning stuff and make some decisions.