Awkward Moments

Some how I choose the position, or rather God chose me for me, that I live in the awkward moments. This year feels FULL of awkward moments.

Christmas Eve... guess who forgot the words "In the name of the..... uh uh.. Son.. nope that's not it... Oh.. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." In front of the whole church. That's right gone.

First time I preside over Holy Communion. I do the Lord's Supper in the Prayers of the Day. DOH! So... Holy Communion comes and we just do it again!

Yesterday the Pastor was gone and I received my first call that someone had passed away. I called over to the house to see if the wife was doing okay and offered to come out there and visit. She was so upset and some other members of the congregation had just got there that she was being so weird and awkward. And of course she wanted the Pastor... which I am only the Intern...also gets awkward. She called later that evening to tell me when we were meeting with the Funeral Director and that was a lot less awkward. But still! Being the Intern is awkward in its self. Making your first I'm sorry your loved one has passed away can I do anything phone call is also awkward.

Today we went to meet with the Funeral Director and the family for this funeral and the wife shook PM's hand and said something about it being cold. She then shook my hand and said something about it being warmer. Which I followed up by saying, "That's because I'm warmer." Who says that! The Funeral Director had to really hold himself back from making a comment. Ugh.... Awkward! That has to be a Friends moment. I feel like that weird person when they get into social situations just says stupid stuff because they are nervous. Did Chandler do that?

And there are many more moments like these. Not enough time to write about them all. I need to just have a hole around me that I can crawl into once and a while.

The hoops

A little frustrated today with the hoops. I've been trying to sign up for an online class for about a month. Little did I know that it would take this much work and take this long. I found out that I had to get an ok from the CLI office and my intern supervisor. I had the ok from Mark already so I emailed my contact person at the CLI office. Well then I found out that I had to go to the head of the CLI office, still not a problem. So Mark emailed him and said it was ok with him that I took a class. Mark heard back from the head of the office, not about anything to do with the email at hand, but all about who he knew in the congregation..... so had no idea what was going on. grrr....

Waited for some time of confirmation from some place, assuming someone has passed on that it was okay...

waited some more.....

Finally emailed the head of the CLI office yesterday to ask if I could take the class, if he had let anyone know. Any sign of what I was suppose to do next.

Got a vague email back that, yes you can take the class, and that was it.

So I forwarded the email to the registrar and asked what other hoops I needed to jump through.
I received an email today saying that the class is full and that online classes fill up fast. AAAAHHHHH!!! Of course there is nothing I could have done about it because everyone else is slow. This is why I don't like relying on others to do things because they don't understand the need to do something about anything in a timely manner.

So I emailed the professor about allowing me into the class. Tried not to put anyone down about not getting things in on time but also tried to let him know the reason why I didn't sign up earlier wasn't for a lack of trying on my part.

Why does something as simple as a class have to be so complicated.

Christmas at the Goldammer's

Eric and Cody starting off the fun of Friday night. It's kind of become tradition to "taste test" a lot of different wines. We all bring a few bottles of wine to share and to try with one another. It's fun because everyone has different taste and someone will usually end up liking the wine if you don't. That and we usually get tipsy, and that wine buzz that is so good!




Jakoby getting his bath. Uncle Eric and Aunt Abbey were having too much fun giving him CRAZY hair does. Some day this picture will come back to haunt him!
Happy after His bath. We had fun playing with Jakoby all weekend. It's nice to rent the kids right now. Teach them naughty things and then give them back.

Saturday we went and visited the Grandmas. This is Grandma Goldammer and she finally remembered me! I know sad but she has a hard time remembering everyone anymore. She can't really see and has trouble hearing so it makes it kind of tough. I got really close and she was having a good seeing day so she was able to see my face and my hair color. She was so happy! It was a good day.




This is just too funny not to put on here. Cody has these new fun glasses that you can bend and they just go back to their original shape. I think they are meant for little kids. It was so much fun freaking people out all weekend by bending them like we were breaking them! This is Cody's angry face. It's the simple things in life.

Manic Monday

I had a wonderful 118 minute conversation with a good friend who lives out near Boston. It was really good to catch up on life and talk. She is such a wonderful person and I always feel blessed to have her in my life. It makes me appreciate good conversations and good friends, they are such a gift from God.

I was watching the news tonight and happened to see a classmate who was a year younger then me on the news. He was sentenced to 20 years in prison for kidnapping and armed robbery. http://www.aberdeennews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071213/NEWS01/712130344/-1/RSS02&rssfeed=RSS02
I had worked with him at a couple of jobs in high school and knew him fairly well. I was really surprised to learn that he had done this back in June 2006. How crazy!

For Christmas we were given Mario and Sonic at the Olympics on the Wii. Eric and I were up till 10 last night playing against each other at different events. It was so much fun! I am learning how poor sports we are. It's kind of funny because we both have major mood swings as we win and loose against each other. We both aren't good losers and kind of get grumpy. But when we are winning we rub it in to the other one, so it's like we are both bipolar. It's a good thing that I win most of the time!

Burst of Enthusiasm to Write

I am experiencing a burst of enthusiasm to blog more often. I have tried to blog more but sometimes my computer freezes up at work. GRRR!!! They gave the young one who likes to multi task on a computer, the super slow one with super low memory. I guess that's the pits of being the intern.

I was sick but am finally feeling better. I hate head colds and I my mono seems to creep in whenever I get sick. I lost 3 days last week.

I have decided that I'm spending too much time at work. I had dreams all night long about church. Not really any church in particular. And I'm not really sure what they were really about, except that it had to do with church. I need to get out more!

Did some home visits this morning. I took communion to some shut-ins. It was my first time taking communion to people at home and did the words of institution and all that. I feels as if it should have been a bigger thing, more of a momentous experience, but it really wasn't. I really enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but it felt like I have been doing it for years. Maybe that's just the way it's suppose to be? On Christmas day I am going to be presiding over communion. Maybe that will feel more momentous?

Friday we are heading to Eric's parents for our Goldammer Christmas. I have a feeling it's going to prove to be a long weekend. We are having our Christmas opening on Sat night and then driving back to Dells for church in the morning. Ugh.. another long weekend!

I feel like I should end this with something profound but I'm not really sure if I have anything. ... oh maybe I do. I was sitting in church the other day and saw the Sanctuary in a different way then I had ever seen it before. The architecture was different some how than I had been looking at it before. I just love when old things, or things that we look at every day, look different and new some how. Maybe a view from a window and you spot something you never noticed before. Maybe a way you looked at something and a new revelation came to you that changed your prospective. It's just interesting how we change and not necessarily the thing or situation.

A day in the life of Sarah

First of all I would like to say that I am ecstatic about our new car. It's a camery and we just got it last night. Eric drove it home because I will be driving it every day so I thought that's the least I could do. Aren't I so sweet! :) Last night when I finally got home from church around 9ish I took it for a spin around town. It's so wonderful! I can't wait to take it on a road trip.

Second really quick thought I had to share.....
This is so my life... I just happened to look out the window of my office and what do I see... a cat busy eatting its latest catch, a bird. Yummm... He spotted me and took off now, so of course I have a dead bird just hanging around outside of my window. I suppose that this whole cat and dead bird thing is better then the little boy peeing near my window. That was a whole lot more embarrassing!

Life Struggles

Today I'm struggling with people, relationships, helping people, leading people, how you help and not hinder. What if someone doesn't really want to be helped? When do you give up? When is it time to let go? When is it time to keep fighting for that person, or people in general.

I guess part of this is about friendships in my own life, and part of this is about being in the ministry. It's hard to guide and lead people when they really don't want to be lead. Or they can't see it for themselves. We are stuborn people. Very, very stuborn. Me included.

How far do you, or are you even able to enter into peoples lives? How far should you safely enter without getting sucked in yourself? Where is the line? Where is my black and white world where there is a yes or no answer. Can I just contiune to circle C because I'm guessing that it's my best choice?

Why is life so complicated at times. And at other times I feel like I have it all figured out. Why are relationships so messy and yet the most meaningful thing that we will ever share with another person. Family, friendships, and marriages.

When is it time to let some frienships go. Not that they are bad or you are bad but you have grown apart and that is okay. You will still see them on occasion, you keep them in your prayers, but life has pulled you in a different direction and that's okay.

I want my burning bush. I want God to tell me the correct answers and not in parrable form. I want a step by step direction book of how to handle every situation.

This business of loving our neighbor is so complicated. Couldn't Jesus have picked an easier commandment?!?!

Small Update

I had spent all this time the other night updating my life. Then I went to publish the post and it wouldn't do it. So I tried....and it didn't work. And now I am super tired. It's been a crazy last couple of days with cluster meetings in MN, a funeral today, and then council meeting tonight. I also am trying to get back into working out again and decided to do that when I got done with my crazy day. Still at the drained from working out stage but am looking forward to it giving me more energy.

One last note before I crash.... where did the sun go?!?!?! I NEED SUN! I don't do well with a ton of rainy days. I need light and sunshine and happiness. If anyone finds the sun please let me know! I would like it back.

More soonish.

Memories

I love memories.

I am sitting in our big lazy boy chair and thinking about memories. The memories that have been made. The memories that are being made, second by second, minute by minute. The memories that are to come. What a wonderful gift of life.

I think of this because I know that I'm at such a wonderful memory making point. I know that this scary time of internship and meeting knew people are also about making memories. That to make memories things need to change. And change is scary. BUT without that change and growth and scariness there would not be room for new people, new memories...

The beginning

2nd day on the job and I'm feeling a little better. I have some more direction and feel like I have more of an idea of what I am doing. Tomorrow might be different, but today is pretty good :)

Tonight was confirmation. My 9th graders didn't start tonight, that's next week, but it gave me a chance to sit in on some of the other grades and get an idea of what the expectations are. I sat in on the 11th graders who are getting ready to write their faith statements and be confirmed. PM was giving them a lot of heavy theological ideas and they seemed to be taking it all in. It was good for me to hear the gospel again and to know that PM and I's theology is very similar. I was also impressed that he didn't treat them like they were dumb but on the total opposite side, gave them a lot to think about. It was awesome!

First Day

Today was my first day at "work." I'm still trying to find the ground under my feet. I moved my books and stuff into my office. In our little apartment I have so many books but now that they are in office I don't think I have any. What a weird feeling. We went to the nursing home for afternoon service which we are only responsible for every other month. Talked with the pastor a lot about what I think I want to do. We have decided that I will be responsible for 9th grade confirmation. We stopped by the high school and met some of the staff and saw the school. It's been a good day. Overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. It's hard not really knowing what exactly I am suppose to be doing. It's hard to continually ask questions and want things to do when I know that Pastor Mark is just so busy and needs time of his own to get things done. But it will come and I will find my place.

It's a different kind of job that is for sure. I think I'm going to like it.

Life Right Now

Eric went to sleep early tonight and I am taking a break from writing "thank you"s so I thought I would just take few minutes to blog. It's been a while and so much has happened but there hasn't been any time to write it down.

This week has been a a week. Not really relaxing but still relaxing. I have mostly changed my name over to Goldammer. I think all the important people have been notified. The weird thing is that there is no real "place" that makes it official. I always thought it was the SS office that made it official, but not really. But anyhow, I have been unpacking, cleaning Eric's old place, and trying to get settled before internship starts. I have been oddly really busy.

Tomorrow we are going to pick-up our Godson at Eric's parents and take him back up to Huron, babysit Friday night and Saturday. On Saturday we are going to the fair with him. It should be good time, start teaching him the animal names and feed him greasy food.

Married life. Pretty much like single life but only Eric and I don't have to drive to see each other. Really nice to be settled, or getting there. Hard to put our stuff together but we are working on it. I'm learning that letting go of things isn't a bad thing. It's okay to throw stuff away.

Quick Note

I have a few minutes in-between getting my hair done and my make-up practice. I finally decided. Up it is. It feels so good to have it all up and it really does look good. I told her what I wanted and she just did it. It was amazing. One less thing to worry about and another decision made. It's so much fun to have someone else do your hair. It also makes my face look thiner which is ALWAYS a plus!

We spent the morning cleaning and setting up the air mattresses for all the friends who will be staying here tomorrow night. It feels so much more real. It's been so hard to really get excited the beginning of the week because it has just felt like more planning and preparing. Getting my practice hair done really made it feel real. Putting up the beds and figuring out enough places to sleep has made it real.

Last night my family took me out to eat for dinner. I thought it would just be another night out but Eric drove up from Dells just to surprise me for supper. How awesome was that. It was really sad to see him go though and felt like a tease to only see him for an hour and a half. My mom asked me if it surprised me. It surprised me that he was there but not that he would do that for me. Once again I feel so blessed to have him in my life. My brother told him to give it a couple more years and he wouldn't be doing crazy things like that. Eric just looked at him and said, "I won't have to, we will be in the same place." Later that night he told me that my brother just doesn't get it. Which I don't think he does or can. Him and his wife lived together before they were married and really never spent much time apart. It's different for us. Neither way is bad but just different. I also think Eric grew-up with his dad being more of a romantic. I hope he never looses that.

So another wonderful birthday under my belt. I realized yesterday while getting my wonderful hour massage that I don't think I will ever have a week like this again. I just want to some how video tape ever second of it so I can watch it over and over. I want to find a way to box up all of the wonderful comments, feelings, and gifts to save for those days that I struggle. Or to be able to pass it around. Give some of this love to someone who has never experienced love like this. Somewhere I read today that 'love is a gift from God.' So true!

Pampering

The pampering has begun.

Life is good. I can kind of see the home stretch now. I went in this morning and had my hair cut and colored. I love a hair cut and the pampering of a coloring. It is so much fun and relaxing. The only problem is that I'm now torn if I should wear my hair half up or all the way up. Oh the decisions. I thought I had it all figured out but now I'm not so sure. All though it would feel good just to have it up. Decisions... Decisions...

I also went tanning right after I got my hair done. I think all of my outrageous tan lines are gone now and it won't look like I am wearing a white tank top under my dress.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I have a hour massage scheduled in the morning. Pretty pumped about that also.

Wedding stuff is coming along. Not really stressed at this point. The mom has a list for everyday of things that need to get done. All the bulletins are done. Took me a couple of days but I got some good tv watching in. Looking forward to everyone getting here and being with friends and family. It's crazy to think that in less then a week I am going to be Mrs. Sarah Goldammer. I'm really looking forward to just being married and starting a life together. I'm excited to see what life brings our way and how God moves and works in our lives.

35W

One of my good friend's brother, Andy, just missed getting caught in the tragedy. Andy was also a friend of mine in HS but once he graduated we lost touch and I got to be really good friends with his younger sister. Linds sent me this link the other day and I thought it was really interesting and wanted to share.

www.andyblair.com

It's amazing how fast things can happen and how awesome it was that people didn't hesitate to help their neighbor.

Rambling

Eric just went to work at 6am. This last trip down here I have been waking-up when he gets up and I have a hard time falling back a sleep. I think it's just because I have so much on my mind right now. So much to get done and in the next couple of weeks. I like having lists and having to get things done. Better then sitting on my butt, but still a little stressful.

We are mostly moved into our place. I have been up in Dells the last couple of days trying to get things moved in and settled. Eric and I were up there on Sunday and then he came up last night when he got off work. Feels good to have our stuff in one spot. The challenge now is to merge our stuff. It's amazing the crap we carry around because it brings back good memories. We both have it and don't see the necessity of the others crap. It's fun to hear Eric's stories behind the crap and to see how we try to work through the little stuff. I guess this is the beginning of married life.

Doesn't feel like the wedding is a week and a half away. My mind is on moving and starting internship. I'm so use to setting the wedding stuff aside and coming back to it later. I can't really do that this time and need to refocus. I NEED red shoes for the rehearsal dinner. AND I almost forgot that we need to go pick-up our marriage license while I am here. That would have been crappy if I forgot that! We both have to be there to sign.

I'm also sick. Yup, Eric got me sick. We haven't even kissed the whole time I have been here so that I don't get sick. Just kidding, that didn't work. So I'm working on getting better too. Always something :)

Oh yeah and did I mention how blessed we have been since we have moved to Dells. Well I think I should. The church is doing a food drive for us the whole month of August. When they moved us in on the 4th they already had a box of nonperishable food and a $25 gift certificate for the grocery store in town. When we got to Dells on Sat right at 11am the truck was unloaded by 11:15am. D left his electric screwdriver/drill for us so we could put the bed together. They set up a potluck type thing in the garage so we all could eat, and left us some of the leftovers. And I haven't even started yet. It was just fun to get to know people. Little overwhelming at times with the moving thing and all but it was really nice to have the help and get to know people.

Wed. I head back to Aberdeen. I need to get the bulletins in to get printed so that they are done by Thur and I can start putting the little ribbons on the top.

Bridezilla

I had a moment of Bridezilla today. But I think it was called for....

I ordered my shoes about 2 months ago. A little over a month ago I had my initial dress fitting. I called a couple days before the fitting and asked if my shoes would be in. They made it seem like there would be no problem, don't worry about it, they will be here. I thought I was just being a little paranoid. Well, then they weren't it. So they lent me a pair in my size but they were ivory. Okay, that was really nice of them. When I took them back it was about a month left. My shoes were still not in. I called a couple weeks ago to ask about them again. Still not in. They said they were going to reorder them because they didn't know what happened. Well, today I called to see where they are. I have 17 days till I need them now. 2 weeks and a few days. It's getting to be a little scary. When I called today they told me that they had them in. HURRAY! I was so excited, I went there this afternoon to pick them up. Well, guess what color they are..... ivory. And I have a white dress. Not going to work. I was pissed! The girl that was working told me that she would get overnight them. They would be different then the ones I thought I was ordering though. I was frustrated about that. What happened to the ones I liked?!?!?! So I guess Kathy, the owner who I also know, will be back at 4 today. I left my number again, because they lost it, and I told her to have Kathy call me and tell her that I am not happy. This is ridiculous! Of all the things to be needing to worrying about. This should not be one of them.

So here I am. Becoming a Bridezilla over shoes. Grrr. The problem is that I have to be so careful about what kind of shoes I wear because I have had knee surgery. I would never last very long in heals. AND, there is no place in Aberdeen that sells bridal shoes except for the Bridal store, and they are so expensive.

Hopefully this will get solved soon and I won't have to worry about it any more. Then I can put away the bridezilla and hopefully it won't have to come out anymore. Everything else seems to be falling into place and relaxed. Hopefully it will stay that way!

18 more days

Today has been a day of baking and making calls. Calls, calls, and more calls.

The DJ is ready to go... check.
The florist is going to do some checking on her end with the reception site and call me back tomorrow... sort of check.
Make-up at Herberger's should be under control and finalized.... check.

I baked 60 some heart cut out cookies with red frosting. I might have taste tested and I have to admit they are pretty good. They will be put out for the rehearsal dinner. I also made homemade brownies with homemade chocolate frosting. Those are pretty good too. Those were a trial run to see how many we needed to make for the rehearsal dinner and how much time they took. They were really easy.

So I'm starting think that my wedding is built around food. I think people can handle doing some eating though.

The Calm Before the Storm

Sunday was my first day of doing pulpit supply. In two churches I had never been too. Preaching to a congregation of about 55 people at each service. Oh, the REALLY rural churches. As much as I dreaded it and as last minute as I had been asked it turned out be pretty okay. Okay because I'm not sure if I'm really to admit that it was kind of fun. I still want to be a little crabby that it was last minute and that I dreaded doing it.

Eric ended up being able to come up to Aberdeen last minute on Saturday. I don't know if he will ever understand how much that meant to me and how wonderful it was to have him at both of those services. He does such a good job of being relaxed, calming me down, and being really good at giving me helpful critiques. I continue to understand more everyday how God has shaped us both and how He has blessed me with just the right person.

Today was kind of slow. Got some little stuff accomplished but it feels like I am waiting for the storm. It's so quiet, so calm, so unsuspecting. I feel like I have almost everything done that I can possibly do. Or at least all the things I want to do :)

So, tomorrow I have decided to do a test run on some brownies that I am making for the rehearsal dinner. See how much they really make and try to figure out how much I need to make in a couple of weeks. I have also decided to make some heart shaped sugar cookies. I love making cut out cookies so I suppose I will make a day of it. Why not?!?!?! People will eat them. Either at the rehearsal dinner, the day of the wedding for lunch at the church, or Sunday morning during gift opening. Who doesn't like cookies? Let's be honest here.

This weekend we move into our apartment in Dell Rapids. The church is helping us move stuff in so that will be really nice. It will feel really good to get our stuff in one spot. One more step towards being in one place together!

Storybook Land

Sunday was spent with the family out at Storybook Land. The greatest place on the earth for a 20 month old. And maybe all of the adults too. Here's us entering. They put up a fancy entrance sign. How FUN!



We HAD to ride the train because Katharine loves cho chos. I can't lie, it was a whole lot of fun. Of course she can't look at the camera for more then two seconds. Grandma has to be a little quicker with the button.



Always on the go. We did half of the park in 10 min at the pace she was going.



And always loving the slides. The blue little mouth is from drinking too much of Aunt Sarah's blue slushy. It was so much fun to share with her and to see the look on her face. She tends to drink a bunch, fill up her mouth and not swallow it, just hold it in there. At one point she had a mouth full and she heard the train whistle make it's cho cho and she opened her mouth forgetting that she had a mouth full of blue slushy. Yup, you guessed it! Blue slushy all over the front of her. LOVE IT!

Overall I am loving being more of an active Aunt. Being able to get to know her better and be there as she starts to say her words better. The hugs hello and goodbye. Being able to read books to her.

Life is pretty good.

Humble

Humble.

That's the feeling for the day.

My bridal shower was today. I was humbled. I find it kind of odd that I want to go into ministry and have to be up in front of a lot of people, but am so uncomfortable when there is a party thrown for me. I don't like that feeling of being watched.

Some of Eric's family drove up 3 hours to be here. My family who were in town came. My aunt did such a beautiful job and really put a lot of work into getting everything ready. Humble. Very, very, humbled.

My aunt put together a towel cake. It looked real when I walked in but it was a bath towel for the bottom, a hand towel for the middle, and a wash cloth for the top. Then she decorated it with silver and red ribbon with a red flower on the top. It was so cool because it was also my gift. She had wrapped the towels around pyrex bowels and there were little gifts in them. The whole thing was sitting on top of a wrapped cutting board. Who would have thought there was such a thing!

Once again I feel blessed. I wish I could bottle this feeling. This is one of the mountain top feelings. The little things in life that get us through. That remind us of who we are and whose we are. But there is always that age old question of, if all we had were great moments would they still be great?

Painting the World... or the walls

I'm feeling the need to blog a lot lately...

...with that being said....

My dad and I tore all the wallpaper off the walls in my parents dining room today. UGH! I swear that I will never put up wallpaper. It is a pain in the butt to get down. It was good father daughter bonding time though. We started at nine this morning and are just starting to paint. Dad is finishing up the ceiling while I wait to do the trim of the side walls. It's kind of fun. Painting is relaxing in this weird way to me.

Gotta go paint.

But When Is It My Turn?

Yesterday I happened to look out the window of my parents bathroom upstairs. I happened to see the cars leaving from a wedding that just ended. Our church is located pretty much in our backyard. I couldn't help but think, When is it my turn? How long do I have to wait till it is my wedding people are leaving from and I am finally married. Last month just flew, and the first week of July kind of did too, but it just feels like it is such a long time till August. I'm sure others have felt that way too. Waiting and waiting. It reminds me of taking a trip when I was a little kid and it was so hard to sleep the night before, not a month and a half before like it is now. I've been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about decorating stuff. Who does that? I just want everyone to be here. I'm excited to be married. Maybe a little excited to not be living with my parents. I love them but I have found that I really enjoy my space. I really enjoy my freedom. I really enjoy being a grown-up. I guess that's not such a bad thing.

July?!?!?!

And what happened to June?!?!?!?! I can't believe it's the 4th of July already. The summer always feels like it is down hill from here.

I have such mixed emotions about the end of the summer. I LOVE the summer. It is my favorite season. I love it being so HOT out. I know I'm crazy, but I love heat. I love sitting in the sun and just soaking up it's warmth. (PS.. that's on tomorrows agenda.) BUT, the longer the summer goes, the longer it takes for my wedding to get here. I want it to be the Thur before. That means that friends and family will be arriving. That means that I get to hang out with everyone and see a ton of people that I haven't seen in a few months. But I don't in the same way I don't want the summer to be over.... oh my life problems. It's a good thing I don't have any "real" problems.

I'm really excited because I bought a size 12 dress today. I know that might not seem like a lot to some of you but I am SUPER excited about that! I don't think I have worn a size 12 since I was in Junior High, maybe earlier then that. I also found out that I wear a 14 at the Gap. That's pretty rock'n. I really haven't lost much since I have been out of Seminary, but I have done a good job of maintaining. I'm happy with that. I remember when I was in JH and all my friends would want to go shopping at all the trendy stores and I could never really shop there. I was always that girl that went straight to the jewelry area. Now I can shop there. Now I fit into the clothes.... it's weird how now I am secure enough to be okay with not being able to shop at those stores... in JH I wasn't.

Last Thur I had my initial fitting for my wedding dress. It was so much fun! It's MY dress. Not just one I tried on that hangs on the rack. It was so beautiful. My aunt was there with my mom and I, she started crying and almost made me cry. Those are the things that matter through all of this. The time with the family and friends. I also picked out my vail and my headpiece. I guess you all will just have to come to the wedding to see it :) I'm so excited to dance and have a good time with friends! Be there or be square I guess....

Hopefully I will be better about writing this month. I am hoping things will slow down a little bit. We will see...

Ufda

New Post..

What to write about....

One would think that I have a ton to write about since it has been so long but it feels like there has been so much that I don't have the time to write everything. And I thought I was going to have a boring relaxing summer. There has continuously been something popping up. Not bad stuff, but it just hasn't slowed down.

Tomorrow is my initial dress fitting. I saw the dress today but couldn't put it on. I have to wait another 25 hours till my dress fitting. My maid of honor tried on her dress and she wanted to see my dress. It was the biggest tease ever! To see but not really touch. Soon and very soon though.

All the invitations are out. Or at least in the mail now. Feels good to have those done. Things are starting to come together. Now I just need to work on getting rid of the bad tan lines I have already gotten. I tan so fast. A couple days out in the sun and I already have horrible tank top lines. Need to work on those. I don't think anyone will mind if I lay out in the backyard topless. That's on tomorrow's to do list! hehehe

My best friend is up here today. It has been WAY too long since we have been able to just hang out together. Tonight we are going to go out for a little bit. We have been running errands all day and she went out to eat with her family tonight so that's why I have time to write.

Being in Aberdeen for the summer hasn't been so bad. I was here for a few weeks and then off gallivanting around South Dakota last week. I got back here yesterday and will head down to Mitchell/Sioux Falls area on Sat again as soon as we are done with premarital counseling. Another thing to check off my list.

At one point I had interesting things to write and some good thoughts but they seem to go every time I get around a computer. Better luck next time I guess.

I'll try to write more. July will hopefully slow down a little.... I know.. a girl can dream!

Life Is Good

My last shift at the infodesk for a while, at least a year and 3 months and it feels good!

I have successfully, I want to say wasted but that really isn't the word, used up maybe is a better word. I have successfully used up 2 1/2 hours by surfing the net and updating my profiles. Life is good! I haven't even played any addicting internet games yet.

My parents came last night. It was late when they got here. Well late for them, 10:45pm ish. It's going to be different getting use to living in the same house that is for sure. Or at least the first few weeks will be a little bit of a strain. I did purposely fill a lot of time to help ease the transition a little more. This move makes me a little nervous but I think will be the best in the end. If worse comes to worse I go and hang out in Sioux Falls.

I am down another 4 lbs. So that's awesome. That now brings me to a total of 40lbs lost. It feels so much better to eat healthier and get exercise. I have struggled my whole life with weight and not knowing what I was doing wrong. I am so thankful for the tools to educate myself more and the people around me to help support me. I am closer to my goal of 15 in 4 and I am still on track even though I would be very happy with where I'm at now. My short and long term goal is just to be healthy.

One of my best friends from High School sent me his itinerary for his flight home for my wedding. I am so excited to see him and spend time with him before the wedding. He will get into Aberdeen on the 15th. I just want some good catch up time. He has lived in DC since the Fall of 2000 and it has been a couple of years since we have really had some good catch up, talk time. I really miss that catch up time. I think my favorite part about this wedding is hearing about the people who are really making an effort to come and who I get to spend time with.

So moral of the story is... Life Is Good. or at least right now... and I will take that for the time being. Some more of my little apartment to pack up and tomorrow is moving day. On to the next new adventure. As much as it is hard to move on and to go through change it is always fun and exiting to wonder about the future and the wonderful people God will place along the way.

My sorta day off

It's been a good day. I had all morning and afternoon off to get some things done that needed to be done. I slept till 9:15am. Tried to sleep longer but it's hared when I am use to getting up at 6:45 every morning. I did a little packing, I watched a fun movie, Derailed. It was a little slow but in the end really good. I went through papers that needed to either be thrown or filed. It feels good to get rid of piles and to throw things.

I went through some old picture albums. I love pictures. Well, most of them I love. There are always those old bad pictures when you were a kid. I wonder why my mom let me leave the house looking like that. And the glasses. Yuck and Yuck. They were always too big for my face. I'm going to make sure and dress my kids better then that... not that they have to be fashionable but really, not looking like I did sometimes. It's always fun to reminisce and look back years past. That's the best thing about pictures, they bring back so many wonderful memories.

And now I'm at work from 3:30-9:30. I'm just glad I had the day off.

Weird People Day

Oh the jokes people make that they think:
a) are funny
b) are unique
c) I need to hear

It's been one of those days. The afternoon has gone faster, which is always a wonderful thing! BUT more people have been around and weird people with weird questions. The phone has also been mostly weird phone calls... I think it is just weird people day.

Yup... it's officially weird people day.

Gotta love working the desk... or not.

Minute by Minute

I did some wedding stuff.... let's be honest, not a lot to do.

I read a little bit of my book....but I have ADD for some reason.

I looked through my planner again to see if anything jumped out at me that I need to do in the next few days...that maybe I can do while I sit here at the desk. No such luck.

I talked to Sean for a while...

I read from the bible...

I drank some coffee...

Gosta go to the bathroom.. that should waste 2-3 minutes.

And it's only 10:40am! AAAAHHHHHH! What am I going to do till 3:30pm.

Thoughts for the moment

It's going to be one of those days. I might blog several times today out of pure boredom.

I longed for classes to be done. To have all my homework done and be able to sit around and do nothing. This isn't quite what I had in mind....

I was thinking along the lines of watching movies, sleeping in, having a lot of time to pack... this whole sitting around at work thing has got me going nuts. I am a very capable person. I just wish I could use that. But I guess I shouldn't complain, nothing is better then craziness.

WELCA is here yesterday and today. WELCA stands for the women of the ELCA. The sad thing is they are all older women. Doing their old lady thing. Are there no young women in the ELCA? I shouldn't complain.. they give me some money every year.

That's all for now

Poopy.. what a word

I'm so tired of this job at the information desk right now. I'm tired of this school.... I'm tired of all the bs that goes on here.

I'm tired of being the information desk, but not having the information to do my job. But expecting to have it. I'm tired of always being around people, I find myself not wanting to hang out with people after I have sat at the desk all day.

I have had people here crying because they are going to miss people who are leaving on internship. The... what could have been blues. Which just makes me want to cry also because of the poopy day.

Just as I was totally down and wanting to cry myself, I just got the best compliment. Someone came up and told me that I look like a girl on a tv show, who I think is very good looking. On Brothers and sisters the sister they didn't know they had.

3.5 more hours here at the desk and then I can go curl up and not deal with people for the night. What a mostly sucky day! What was I thinking when I scheduled myself to work everyday. Granted the money will be nice and I will have a long break, probably complaining because I'm bored, but I just need a little break. To get away from school and this community for a while.

Maybe I'm just itching for a change in pace. Different scenery. The summer has always been a time of change for me. I just haven't felt the change yet except the packing part. I can feel it on the horizon but I can't quite grasp it yet. Soon and very soon I suppose.

A Joey From Friends

I met a Joey from Friends. Yup, that's right... an online minister. I had a wedding yesterday that I was the coordinator for and the groom's brother was a Joey. I knew that there had to be one or two somewhere, but I had never really met one. And let me tell you he really was a Joey. He thought he was so cool and called himself a minister, which kind of pissed me off because that has some type of religious connotation with it, which he had and wanted none. I'm going to school for 4 years after undergrad to call myself a minister.. don't take that away from me. Call yourself what you really are... a Joey from friends.

The Process Has Started

The process of packing up my live again.

It's been close to a record. I have lived here for 1 1/2 years. Feels like forever since I usually average a year at one place.

So many changes in the next 4 months. All of them I am ecstatic for, but still a lot to take in. I'm finished with my 2nd year of seminary. How did that happen? Will the next 2 years go by that fast?

I have started packing up my things. Getting ready for the move and the life which is to come. Some it's easy and I know I want to keep. The DVD's and the pictures.... all things I want to keep. The knicknacky things I have collect throughout life need to be weeded through. Decisions if I should store them some where or sell them. Everyone of them have a story. Everyone of them has meant something to me in my life. Is that part over and I need to move on? I know there are such great and wonderful things to come and that to enjoy all of them sometimes we have to let go of others to allow room, but it still doesn't make letting go easy.

Saving the World One Phone Call at a Time

Sitting at the infodesk again. 2-9:30 Not super happy to be here but I guess, such is life. I took a couple of benadryl and I think that is part of the problem. It helped with this crazy eye thing that I have going on and relieved some sinus pressure, but now I can't keep my eyes open. I took a little nap after I took it. I love those naps when you sleep so hard that you drool. I just wish I could have enjoyed it a little bit longer.

People keep calling so I'm saving the world one phone call at a time! I am helping with a wedding this weekend and the crazy bride called the infodesk. She is almost too overly planned. The wedding is suppose to be outside so it's just too much of a hassle really. So many what ifs that just make people crazy. NOTE TO SELF: don't do that. Normal is okay. They also have some family problems which I am so thankful that I don't have to deal with. Not only do our parents get along and are still married, but they like each other too.

BUT, to treat myself tonight I brought some fun things with me to work.
1. a fun book... maybe I can get lost in a fun book and enjoy myself.
2. two pieces of left over pizza to reheat.. pizza is always good no matter what
3. popcorn.. to eat later when no one is around and I might take in the episode of Grays which I didn't get to see -- I brought some headphones to listen.

I can do all this because I only have ONE more thing left. The worship vocab quiz which I am having a really tough time caring about right now, imagine that. Between 10:30-11am tomorrow I will be free for the Summer... well except this job. Money is a good thing to have for that summer though so I need to work while I can.

Change and Randomness

1 hour, 15 minutes of classes left.

1 paper (Confessions), 1 test (worship) left.

I'm sitting in a class that I already have my final in for. Even harder to pay attention then normal. I am so focused on being done I haven't even been able to think about leaving in a little over a week. I won't be back here for over a year. Life is changing again. I need to pack up my apartment again. What goes where. What do I want to keep. It's going to be like the day I packed up my barbies and childhood toys. It was a wonderful day because I was growing up and it was a milestone, but it was really sad because my childhood was coming to a closure. I need to do the same type of thing when I pack up in the next week. There are a lot of things which I have from high school, dorm life, singleness. I need to give somethings up and put them in the rummage sale this summer. I will be merging my things with Eric's things. I can't carry around all of my randoms anymore. I have needed to do this for a while, to throw things that I will never use again or give them up, but it's still hard to do. Life is changing.

So funny story... maybe a little crazy too.... random if you will....
I just got done paying for gas in Jasper, MN and was getting ready to get in my car. This guy in his mid 50's says "hi" and wants to talk about the day. Okay, I can do this. He asks me where I'm headed.... Okay I can do this also. Sioux Falls, SD I say. He asks me why I'm headed there... It's a small town, I can still do this. My finance lives there I say. He asks me what we have planned for the night.... little weirder but I can still do this, still small town talk. I tell him that Eric has some sort of surprise for me. He goes into how he doesn't like surprises. So I tell him that I think it has something to do with eating. He says, "well, maybe he doesn't like to kill full girls. (he pauses for a breath) Well, have a good day!" WHAT?!?!?!?! ... I say "you too", get in my car. Ask myself, "what just happened there." I drive off, making sure I look in my rear view mirror to make sure he is not following me.

Who says something like that? How totally random!

In Sight

5 days left until classes are done. 7 days until this semester is done. Only One More Week!

I'm starting to cross assignments off of my final list. Always feels good. I tackled my Prophets final today.. done and done. I tackled the written part of my Worship final today... done and done. And I took some me time...done and done. Watched a little bad day time soaps. Solved a few crimes on Law and Order. All in a days work!

I am just afraid that I will loose my ambition tomorrow. Must find a way to keep it!

Left on the to do list:
-Confessions final paper (shouldn't be too bad.. but haven't seen it yet)
-Prophets post responses to group member's posts (This Sat.. pretty simple)
-Jesus the Savior final Essay (this one might be a stinker)
-Worship Final on the 17th (just over the terms)
-Take a long nap and watch a bunch of movies!

The finish line is so close! It's defiantly in sight.

Communication

Opened the OCC at 10:30am

At 12:09pm what's happen so far is:

- ZERO phone calls
-One guy taking a picture of the Narthex
-One family of people (old people) came in and video taped commons area
-one housekeeping person
-4 pages of a paper written and I got payed for it

Yup.. that's it....
Good thing EMS had stuff booked in it that no one showed up for and I had to be here at 10:30.... I love communication, I just wish more people did it!

That's all.. carry on

It's green outside.. which means SUMMER!

11 more days till classes are done.... so much to do but it feels manageable right now. The problem is that when things feel too manageable I wait to the last minute. So this weekend I have set goals for myself. I need to get at least one paper done and a half of another one done. Pretty reasonable I think. I'm starting to think that my life is about goals.

I am looking forward to this summer when my life will not be marked by goals.... well papers that is. I am so hesitant to plan too much, or take away from my somewhat carefree summer. This will be the last summer, and the first one in a long time, which I will be able to do what I want, when I want, and how I want.....or at least have the illusion of that. And that sounds so good to me right now. I am helping out with VBS the first weekend of June (which I wanted to do.) I told my mom I would paint the living room for her (which I love to do.) I am going out to camp to hangout with the kids and the horses for a week or maybe a few, we will see how the summer goes. I am going to work on wedding stuff, hopefully not doing this last minute so it will be fun to do and not stressful. I just look forward to having some Sarah time. I want to read a book or two. Harry Potter comes out in June or July.. I can't remember, so I will read that and I need to read the last book which came out to prepare for the last book. I wan to get back into my R.R Martin books.

I am still hovering at about 35lbs lost so far. I'm okay with that. Every time I get discouraged I bring myself back to the fact that I have already lost 35lbs and how much more healthy my body already is. I know that my insides thank me and that's really what this is about. I really don't want to get caught-up in the need to just look good but how to live a healthy life style... that includes my boundaries and saying "no." Which I think is the hardest thing for me so far.

I should stop using all my words here and actually write a paper on my theology of pastoral care. It will go something like this... Jesus love you, God is good, be good to others because Jesus has given you salvation and the Holy Spirit to guide and help you. Amen. So why the need for the 4-6pages :)

Am I that way?

I'm done with my last contextual education meeting of my life. Done and Done.... but not without a lot of pain first.

It had to be the worst meeting EVER. It was 4 pastors sitting around talking about their programs for the homeless and how wonderful they are. Throwing around statistics, talking about Africa and the problems. Amazingly most of them didn't even take a breath in between sentences, I think mainly so that no one could interrupt them so they could hear their own voice.

What I learned from today is that I don't want to be like that... it's not for me. To watch those pastors act that way made me ashamed. It even turned me off from being a pastor, taking that title. They talk about others but are so focused in on themselves.

Am I that way? I kind of feel that way right now. I have so many obligations that I feel like either I don't have time and/or others have to work around me. Maybe it's just the end of the school year thing, maybe it's the wedding, maybe...

Five to the Teen

15 more days..... and the count down keeps on.

And so does this headache. For some reason I get it when I get to work. Not even after I have been here a while, but as soon as I step behind the desk. Sad...... I use to love this job because it was so stress free. It was just every once and a while that it was stressful. I need to figure out how to cope and let go. I can't do anything about how others act, I can only do something about how I react to it. Why is that so hard to remember and even harder to do?!?!?!?!

I think chapel today was the shortest it has ever been. A record 17min., if that... WOW

seventeen

Seventeen more days until school is out.... you would think that I would be working harder on school work, but I'm not. Maybe this coming week... maybe.

This weekend has been great. Thursday was a little rocky and I just really needed some Eric time. I hoped all day that he would show up sometime that day and surprise me. The problem with hoping for things someone else might do is that you probably will get let down. So Thur evening I spent it kind of bummed out. But I also knew that wasn't fair to Eric either or anyone else. So I kind of fell asleep on the couch watching tv and tried to go to bed around 10:30. No luck, I just tossed and turned. Around 11:30 Eric called to say he couldn't sleep. That he wanted to come cuddle... so I told him to come... and he said, well then let me in. He surprised me! What a wonderful surprise! Just what I needed. Just in the moment of somewhat loneliness and a long week. I am so blessed!

So I think we are going to try to go to a movie tonight. We always say that we are going to and then get too tired to go anywhere. But not tonight...

19

It still makes me feel good to count down...

I have been realizing the last couple of days that I am overly stressed. It's weird how it sneaks up on you like that. I have been noticing that I am over irritable lately. I get frustrated quickly and little things that really aren't a big deal are getting to me more. At the time I know that they aren't that big of a deal but it's hard to change my reaction to them or be effected by them. This is not healthy for me nor is it healthy for others around me.

So the question is, how do I deal better. Life in ministry is going to be full of stress. Overreacting or just getting frustrated with a situation won't help anyone. I'm not sure if others have notice yet but I have noticed and I guess that's what counts.

So I think I need to come up with methods of dealing. One of those might be getting to the gym more regularly. I've been really bad at this lately again. I also think that I need to integrate some type of devotion into my mornings, get a centering point before I have to go meet the world. I need to remember to ask myself, "What am I going to do for me today? How am I going to rejuvenate?" I haven't been so good at that lately. I have once again felt the pressures of everyone else and everything else only to fall into the thoughts that I can take on the world and at the same time I can't do anything.... which oddly enough draws me into overeating so I can cope. None of which are good things...

The good thing is that I recognize the problem.. which I am told is most of the battle. So I continue to wage the war against life and it's craziness. With only 19 days of school left I will survive. I will learn. I will get my papers written. I will take time for myself. I will take time for Eric. Wedding stuff will get done after the 19 days are up. And all this will help my relationships with others.

26 days

26 more days till classes are done!!!!

And the countdown continues.....

I can check another thing off my list as of 9pm last night. The small catechism and the 28 articles of the Augsburg Confession. Done and Done.

I am also 3.5 lbs closer to my goal of 15 in 4 with 3 months and 28 days left.

For some reason I feel so much better when I can count down or make a list of "Things To Do." I love the feeling of crossing things off. A nerd, maybe... crazy, defiantly.

The sun is shining... people are wearing sandals... I'm not, but wish I were, later today for sure. It's warm outside. I haven't had to run the heater in a while, which saves me money. All of these things are good!

So today I thank my God. I thank Him because I once again die to self today and am raised a new in Him. I have been forgiven and loved even though I am a lost an condemned person. I am blessed that I get to hear His promise given for ME everyday.

29 days

29 more days...... of classes! ... or I should say left before classes are done.

And the countdown begins. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to be done with the papers and the thinking... at least for now.

29 days are doable, it's a little under a month. So much to get done before then but doable. 4 weeks really. 4 weekends....

This weekend is a wedding weekend. We are picking out tuxes Sat morning. Sat afternoon we are taking engagement pictures, I think that's suppose to be fun... Sat night is some type of relaxation... Sunday morning Eric's parents are coming up to my parent's house for church, brunch, and talk about wedding logistics.

weekend 2 is work... work.. work... probably a good time to get a lot of school work done.

weekend 3 Eric is coming up here... probably get some work in too.

weekend 4 I am going back to South Dakota to get Eric's ring and get some good hangout time with my maid-of-honor.

In the craziness time will go fast. And it's nicer out again... which means more walks... good conversation.

29 more days.... oh what can happen in 29 days...

Torture at its finest...

I want to do anything BUT memorize right now! ANYTHING!!

I'm trying to memorize the small catechism and the 28 articles of the AC. I've been getting a lot done this morning but am tired of it. I just want to be done. So much to memorize. This is why I never went out for any plays and why it took me months to memorize my oratory piece... and I wrote it! I memorize in concepts, ideas, outline form. Not word for word, verb for verb. But I will preserver... I will memorize all by Wednesday... I will feel better and finish writing my Jesus paper. I will once again be able to read a book for fun.... okay.. that might be a while.. but someday!

Anticipation

THE SUN IS OUT!

Today I was driving up the hill to work and the sun was in my eyes.. I couldn't see anything! A little dangerous, yes. But THE SUN IS OUT!

I love rain, don't get me wrong. Only because I know that it leads to new growth and life. But we need the sun to do that also. For some reason I think my moods revolve around light. I need some to be a functioning human being... not just fake light either. For real light, the big glorious sun. ahhhh the anticipation of summer and heat. Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Today I drive for 4 1/2 hours again. But that's okay. I am thankful for the car to be able to take that drive. I am thankful for the second family which I will soon be married into and already feel a part of. I am thankful for the wonderful friend and finance which I am going to go visit.

Tonight and Good Friday we are going to go to my Internship Site for worship services. I am excited to have a sneak peak at what my life will be like in a few months. I am trying not to get to ahead of myself so that I can finish up what needs to be finished here first, but it's hard not to get too excited.

I'm excited for Easter.... It's my favorite season. I want it to be Easter everyday! I love the build-up... I love the walk through the season. The law.. that we do not deserve what God does for us on the cross, that we can't do anything to save ourselves, and often fall very short. The gospel... that God takes on our sin and death so that we might have his righteousness and live with Him in His Kingdom forever. How I need to be reminded and hear that everyday! Maybe even every hour...

15 in 4

So I have a new goal.... kind of a new goal... or maybe just more of a focused goal.

4 months... 13days until the wedding... a lot to get done....But I am about 15lbs away from my goal weight. That is about 4lbs a month. That doesn't seem so hard. And plus summer is almost upon us.. well at least spring, which leads to summer. And it's always easier to be more focused and intentional about getting out and moving everyday. I'm already down 30lbs.. what's another 15?

So there you have it, my 15 in 4 plan. Not so overwhelming... totally doable! And even a little exciting.

Now if the sun would just come out.....

Under Pressure... but yet not

Today has been a good day.

It was suppose to be a day where I got a lot done... but it wasn't. And that's okay. I took a LONG nap and it felt good. To escape for a little bit into my dreams.

I also was able to get some catch-up time with a good friend of mine. It was really good and much needed. We have now made Tuesday night a date night again.

Things are cleared up with the friends thing... or better at least. I am blessed and humbled that my friends love me so much that they need "Sarah Time." I just need to figure out how I can do that and stay true to that without making promises I can't keep and/or wearing myself out. I also need to make sure that the man I am marring doesn't feel like he is that last thing on my "to do list." Life is always a balancing act. I love change and sometime crave it, but there are also moments when it just plan sucks.

I think I have decided to stay up in the cities for 15 extra days... Till June 15th, so that I can get an extra .5 credit in and work a little more. That will still give me plenty of time to work on wedding stuff and get that all prepared. I work better under pressure then with too much time. Why is that? Eric would say that it's because he's a diamond. With the right kind of pressure and heat he will rock solid someday......men!

Sucker Punched

Why is it when you have something that others want, they have to find a way to put you down. They don't look around to see that you too hurt and have uncertainties in your life also. They only look at the thing that they want and have to bring you down.

You would think that your best friends wouldn't do this to you. And I have to remember that it's core is in the problem of sin and jealousy. BUT... it still sucks. I still feel broken and hurt by my own friends.

You would think that people would be happy for you. You have someone in your life to help you through it, to take care of you. I wish that for my friends....

And if I were in a crappy relationship... would that make them feel better. I can't say that that is true either. In the past week I have been told by multiple friends that they are upset because I am now a couple with Eric. They are upset because it is not longer just me. They feel like I have this too perfect relationship. What is that suppose to mean?!?!?!

Maybe I just need to let them work through that and get use to that I'm getting married. Maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with my at all. But I just feel so beat up right now... like I have been sucker punched in the gut.

umm....

It's such a beautiful day out and I'm at work. I'm okay with that... money is always good to survive, but I would just be so nice to go hangout outside.

I'm sitting at the infodesk again dreaming of taking a nap on my futon with the window open and the breeze coming in.... only 1:15 till then. Till I'm FREE! or at least kind of free.

I should be doing homework... but why do that when I can just stare out the windows in front of me.... dreaming of escaping.

We have also had kind of a messed up few weeks and it's hard to keep focused. I feel like I have already checked out and it's hard to check back in only for a week and a half.

I am also working on my working out more again. My friend SH and I are trying to get back into the walking thing for the next couple of months while I'm here. I really need just to get back into a routine of exercise again.

With all that said and my lack of interested in anything besides staring off into now where... I'm going to try to focus on some theories of the atonement..... maybe I will just try to put words into sentences... maybe understand them.

Things that make me smile

Yesterday I was hanging out at the desk... which I am wondering if I should just bring my sleeping bag and camp out there, it would save me on rent. That's a whole nother thought all together....

But I saw the most awesome thing in the world. Of all places in the OCC at LS was a man dressed in drag walking through the doors. It was awesome. I took a double take... how could you not?!?! It's not everday that I get to see that here. How fun!

A Volcano

I hate those zits that won't pop but hurt like a mofo....

I have a zit under my nose that has been just kind of hanging out all week. By all week I mean 2 days. During the night it decided to grow... grow so I can pop it.. NO... grow so it hurts more.. YES. I know you all can relate so don't act like you can't!

Oh yeah and my phone is possessed... I think I need to find someone to do an exorcism on it. Any takers? I try to call other people but it keeps calling Eric. Could be someone worse but always surprising when Eric answers the phone. I tried replying to a text message last night and it kept typing letters itself.. .wmwmamamemma um... no.. stop it.... and then it would send them. Ugh.. the hardships of life!

I found out last night that I'm not as strong as I would like to believe I am. I would like to think that I can take on the world and accomplish anything I set my mind to. Does this come from the way we were raised. Kind of the name it and claim in mentality in schools.

There has already been moments in my life which i have felt like what I wished for wouldn't happen or that I wasn't good at something. I think the first time I experienced this was my sophomore year of HS when I didn't make the VB team.

As I get more and more into adulthood I realize that there are things which I am not good and will never be good at and that's okay. But why is is so hard to be okay with that sometimes.

What got me thinking about this is my idea that I can not only be good at everything but that I'm okay by myself. That I can manage life without people and without having to rely on people. That relying too much will somehow lead me to ultimately getting hurt or disappointed.

I find myself talking myself into being okay with Eric not being around. And during the week I do a really good job. Life is crazy anyhow and I have the idea that if I just fill up my days I will be okay and never realize the lack of time with him or friends for that matter. Last night when I was thinking that I would get some good alone time in and relax...but I was lonely. I really missed him and just being here. I found myself realizing that I'm not okay being all alone. That no one is okay all alone. It's not about having an Eric in your life but a friend or two or five. I miss him because he is my best friend. I depend on people and that's okay. That's even a good thing.

Grey's

On the eve of Grey's I find my self anxious to see what tomorrow brings.

I don't think I have ever been this into a show before. I have like shows in the past. I have gone out of my way to see them. But I'm not sure if I have ever been this crazy about a show. This emotionally involved.

So what is it about Grey's that pulls me in? What is it about this show that I relate to so much? What is it about this show that so many people relate to? Is it the brokenness? Is the very human characters?

Well, whatever it is, I'm hooked! I find myself already preparing myself for tomorrows episode. In anticipation of what is to come and how I am going to feel.

Maybe its that I can focus on something outside myself and my life for an hour. And know that my life really isn't that crazy.... or is it?

Spring?!?!

So I'm really excited...

It smells like Spring. What does Spring smell like? Like warmth. Go with me on this one. This smell excites me.

But for how much longer?

Maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe I should just be happy with what is now. I should just be happy in God showing me what's to come. Spring just always makes me excited and makes me get excited about wearing sandels, tank-tops, shorts, all those kind of summery things. Spring reminds me of new life. Yay for new life!

I'm excited for the days to get longer. For the Sun to shine longer... which ALWAYS makes me less depressed.

It's like waiting for Christmas and your present.... but only it's warmth and not snow... Easter and the Risen Christ and not His birth. I think maybe I have been spending too much time in Seminary....

Long time no post

Sorry it's been such a long time since I have posted.

Jan. and the first part of Feb were ridiculous.. really good... but ridiculous. So much traveling and getting my friends and family time in. Really good times but a bit overwhelming. And then things screeched to a halt and classes started last week Tuesday.

And I was having so much fun...

Now I'm back into the reading, writing papers. I'm trying really hard to switch from doing ministry to learning again. I have found that I like the doing more then I like the learning. But I guess there is a season for everything.

Being at Pine Ridge reminded me of how much I love doing ministry. How much I love being around people and working. I love not focusing on myself but on something greater. It was a good thing because little bits of doing ministry help me get through this learning thing. But it makes me long for internship even more.

And the first week of school is always overwhelming... for everyone. It is always the task of getting everything organized so that you don't forget anything and starting in on the 400 pages which are assigned the first week. My classes are really good this semester and I really want to read and learn everything. But I'm afraid that's not always possible.... my best is what I have to give. I need to remember to give myself a break and schedule me time in.

Eric comes next weekend. I'm super excited about that! He said that I get him all Friday night and Saturday to do wedding stuff. Much needed wedding stuff. There are some decisions which need to be made and I need him. He has to suffer with me on this planning stuff and make some decisions.

Lessons Learned

I just went back and read through one of my previous posts.... I learned a lot.

A lot about it not being about me....
A lot about how doing ministry well means being a servant...
A lot about how much more wonderful the world is when it's not about me...
A lot about how important family is and how extremely blessed I have been with a great family...

My two weeks on the Res was wonderful. I learned a lot about ministry. Doing more and saying less is how ministry should be done. Preaching through your actions is so much more affective then anything you can ever say. But I suppose there is a time for both.

I'm really looking forward to internship. I'm looking forward to being able to serve again.

Getting my traveling in before Spring Semester starts

7am leave Pineridge after a 2 week stay on the Res
12:30pm drop off Chuck at the Flying J in Sioux Falls and drop off laundry at Eric's apartment
1pm leave Sioux Falls and head back to Saint Paul
5pm arrive in Saint Paul... drop off KS and check mail quick
5:45pm take 15 passagner van back... forget the second set of keys at my apartment
6:15pm repack to smaller bag and make sure everything is okay in my apartment
6:37pm take the keys back to the dealership to drop off... drive to uptown...
7pm eat some supper quick and watch a little tv with the soon to be cousin-in-laws
8pm get back into a car and start driving to Sioux Falls again...a car with 5 of us in it...
12am arrive in Sioux Falls... finally done traveling for the day
12:30am crawl into my select number sleep bed!

Sat and Sunday... spend both days with Eric's family... drive back to St. Paul on Sun evening

Work Mon, Tue, and Wed...
10pm Wed night Drive back down to Sioux Falls
11pm Thur night Drive out to Rapid City for a rodeo

Oh, what I do for the man I love!

Update from Pine Ridge

Just a quick little update... not a lot of time.

My "cross-cultural" experience at Pine Ridge has been really good. I knew that I would enjoy it but I didn't think I would get this much out of it. I will write more about what I have experienced later.... when there is more time.. and I have debriefed a little more.

We are currently waiting for the elementary school aged kids to show up for the after school hangout time. My favorite of day! It is so much fun to just be a kid for a while again. They are only here for an hour and it always seems to go too fast.

Well... that's all for now. 3 more days left and then we head back to Minn. on Friday morning.

Peace Out

So much to do ... so little time....

There is so much to get done today.

I get off work today around 12:30ish... then the rush begins. Mainly because I was lazy last night when I got done with wedding stuff and couldn't move. And who wants to do laundry when it's dark and cold outside?!?!? not I!

So today when I get off work I need to run over to Walmart and pick-up a prescription which I called in yesterday. I hope they have it done once I get over there. I guess they go on break from 2-3:30... what weird lunch hour time.. why can't they hire anyone to cover lunch... or have two people working? But then again it's Walmart :)

It might be a little tight because I have a youth thing at 4pm. I know, I know, I quite already... like back in November... but the youth don't know that yet and I have to tell them. So there will be pizza involved (pizza's always a sure bet) and some type of game, yet to be determined. I really don't have time to do much tonight but this was the best time I could find to break it to them. PB worries about them taking it hard, but I don't feel like I have done a good enough job for them to really miss me. Not that I think I suck at youth ministry, but I just haven't had the time to do what I think they deserve and don't spend enough time with them to form great bonds. Another reason why I think I need to step down. I think they need someone with more time.

Tomorrow I leave for Pine Ridge at 6:30am. Ugh. I don't even want to deal with it. I just need one more day to sleep in. One more day to relax... One more day to get things done... like laundry. Something about having underwear to wear and that being important, I don't know.

I also need to pack... packing for a weekend is easy, but 2 weeks is a little bit more difficult. It's just nice that I don't have to worry about looking good or about what I wear. I just get to learn, work, learn some more, and hang out... kind of like camp. Camp is the one place that I love not only for it being camp but because of what camp makes me... less selfish. I'm so busy helping others that I even forget if I have showered that day. I like that life. I like it when I worry less about me...

So maybe that's the lesson here... this too shall pass. I will worry about my stuff for 24hrs and then it will be about others for 2 weeks. Maybe I will find that more relaxing then the one more day of being here.

Oh yeah... final thought.... I miss Eric. Bunches. 2 1/2 more weeks. They should go fast. Then I get to see him and a bunch of friends and hang out at the Rodeo in Rapid. Life doesn't get much better then that! And it's only 7 months and 5 days till I don't have to leave him all the time.. that seems doable and will hopefully go fast!

COFFEE

Oh how I love it. I love to put it in my handy dandy, keep it warm for at least 3 hours, coffee holder deal. I think that the handy dandy coffee holder deal was meant for me. I found it all lonely after a wedding one weekend. It's owner was neglectful and left if behind.... I think it was fate! I can put my coffee in it.. (which, let's be honest, is a good thing) ...put on the lid...turn it upside down and nothing happens. No leaking at all. I know ... WOW!

My soon to be mother-in-law gave me a bunch of different good coffee bean flavors for Christmas. It makes waking up kind of fun because my coffee maker, which I also love, is set on a timer and has the new coffee all brewed up for me when my alarm goes off. For not being a morning person, this sure helps!

I would also like to point out because of this coffee and that my blood is now about 50% coffee... I remembered to turn the phone off of night! I ROCK!!!!

Who needs sleep.... I do!

So tonight I can't sleep... normally this wouldn't be a problem... but tonight it is. I have to be to work at 7:30am..... And pretend like I care :) AKA... point out the big restroom sign to my right.

I think I can't sleep because I have too many thoughts floating around in my head... mainly thoughts of wedding stuff. I think it's because I drempt about the wedding last night. It was a wonderful nights sleep but I can't do that every night. Gets me thinking and too excited for the future. It's still 7 months away and a lot to do.. can't get too excited about it or I will never sleep!

I have such a problem falling a sleep once my mind starts going. I have a hard time shutting off the thoughts, good and bad. I haven't had this problem in a long time.. the not being able to sleep problem. I think I am just nervous about the future and doing things right... I think I'm nervous that I might forget to do something big in the next few days and really screw something up. I feel like there is so much to do and at the same time not that much.. it's all just important stuff.

Tonight I have spent time wondering why it is that we seem to take our closest friends for granted. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an episode of Desperate House Wives.... the fakiness that we treat each other with and then do as we will, only to get what we want. That it's okay to tell a lie to another person to make ourselves sound better. People just asume that you are going to be their good friend forever and that some how means they don't have to keep in touch or treat you with respect... that you no longer have to work on the relationship and it's going to grow and fix itself.

So many thoughts going through my head that it's hard to shut them all off... 1am and I have a feeling it's going to be a sleepless night.

This is my life

I couldn't get a hold of Eric last night when I got off work so I just figured he fell a sleep on the couch or something. Sure enough... at 7am this morning I get a call from the boy. He was going to take a "quick nap" at 6:30 last night and didn't wake up till 4 this morning. He then got a cleaning bug up his butt and proceeded to clean all morning.... crazy guy! So we talked for about a half hour as he cleaned a little more and got ready for work. I have decided that I like waking up to his voice WAY better then I like my dumb phone alarm!

So then I got to go back to sleep, today is my sleep in day after all. The second thing that I woke up to was not as happy as Eric, that is for sure. And no it wasn't my alarm, it was someone walking above me... but wait, that can't be it... I'm on the top floor, no one lives above me! No no... the maintenance guy decided at 10am that he was going to go chop stuff off the roof RIGHT ABOVE MY ROOM! It was so loud.. grrrr! I hate waking up in a bad way....

The beginning of 2007

It has been a really good break overall. It was good to spend time with family and with friends. Oh how I wish that everyone was in the same town.

My niece has grown so much in the last 3 months. She is running around, getting into everything she's not supose to, and just being too cute for her own good. It's so much fun to watch her grow and experience new things. It's also a lot of fun right now to play and then send her home. She is a handful, too much like her Aunt sometimes!

I am not looking forward to leaving Eric again. I finally get use to being around someone, sharing, communicating, and then it's time to go home. It will be nice when we don't have to leave each other all the time. A little over 7 months till we get married... I'm starting to feel the crunch of getting things done for the wedding. It was so nice to say I had 9 months to worry about it. Pretty soon I won't be able to let things go for a couple of months... it's crazy how this past month has flown by!