Coming Out of the Fog

Now for more of a coherent ramble then yesterday.

First, I'm working at the info desk again today for a couple hours. I wanted to make sure I would get the schedule done for January. It's done.

Last night was kind of a long night again. Normally Eli falls back a sleep at night after he eats. Not last night. He really fought it and though that 4am was time to hang out and check out the world. It took me a while to get him back to sleep and then to get him into a deep sleep. I ended up just sleeping with him in the chair again so I could get some sleep. I didn't want to, or have the energy, to play the lay him down, he wakes up, we start the process all over again game. I normally wouldn't mind but when I have to be at work at 7:30am I just don't have the energy. He has also been waking up 2 hours after he falls a sleep again. I think he is going through a growth spurt and needing to eat all the time again. Oh the joys of motherhood!

I do need to run some errands today and need to get some presents wrapped. Only if there were more time in the day. It was so much easier and more fun to run errands when Rachel was here to do it with me. I don't mind traffic or the craziness of people when someone else is with me. I also know that when I go out with him he sleeps so I miss my window of nap time.

Well, that's my little update. I will try to be better about blogging more often now that I am starting to emerge from the fog that is having a newborn.

It's called thinking of others

Just a quick update while the little one sleeps.

Yesterday Eli was 1 month old. Crazy how fast time goes! I can't believe that it's almost Christmas already.

We are doing well and getting more and more use to life with a little one. I was doing really well at the moment but now the neighbor is playing his tv REALLY loud. It's really annoying and making me really mad. If he wakes the baby, that's it!

We are heading to Aberdeen for Christmas and Eli is getting baptized on Sunday. Then the next weekend is my approval interview in Sioux Falls for candidacy and so we will be doing Christmas in Mitchell.

Oh, think the little one is awake again. GRRR to the neighbor next door. He only slept for a half hour because of him. I wish people would think of others when they live in an apartment!

Life is Good

I have finally found a few moments! I should be sleeping but it's so hard to fall a sleep once you find your hands free to do other things, like typing on the computer to update people. So here I am quick to blog a few thoughts for the moment.

The last week has been crazy and I am glad that it's almost over. Eli has been really restless and wants to eat ALL the time. Meaning he only takes a 15-20 minute break in between. This includes at night. Any time I would move him he would wake-up and want to eat again. It was ridiculous! I finally called a lactation consultant on Thur. We went in on Friday and found out that the problem is that he inherited my tongue. He was tongue tied. (The cartilage under his tongue goes to the tip and makes it REALLY hard to suck, therefore feed.) Needless to say both of were getting overly tired and not happy about the situation.

Today we went down to Burnsville and had it clipped. It was an in-clinic thing and took a few seconds. Immediately after they clipped it they had me feed him to stop any bleeding and get him use to using it right away. It was heaven! So much better then before. I guess before he was using his gums to feed. Yup.. OUCH!

So life is good and things are looking up. This is first time I have had a few minutes to write anything in the last week and that in itself feels great. I am looking forward to a little more sleep tonight. Maybe only having to get up a couple of times to feed instead of all night. Speaking of feeding all night, you would not imagine some of the random things that are on at night. In some ways I like watching tv and finding good random stuff on at 3am. I just wish someone was up with me sometimes to laugh at things also. However I am looking forward to the day that I get 4 or 5 hours a sleep in a night again.

Few Pictures of Eli

Adjusting

Sleep... what is that again? Probably what I should be doing right now but I figure this is the easiest way to update people and feel a little human.

Life is good. Eli is doing really well and all three of us are adjusting to life again. He is such a great baby! The second night he was having a hard time sleeping by himself but I think we are starting to get over that problem. I don't blame him, if I could be held and loved all the time I would love that too.

Labor and Delivery went great. We had an awesome nurse and she was so helpful. We went in at 7:30am and by 2:02pm Eli came into the world. We only stayed 24hrs because everything went well and we wanted to come home to relax and rest. I am still a little sore and my body is getting use to not being pregnant anymore. That was probably the one thing that I didn't think about. How I would feel after I gave birth.

My parents are coming to night and Eric's parents are coming tomorrow afternoon. It will be good to have people around.

I will try to write more later.

Trying To Find Patience

Less then 24 hours before I get induced. My feelings are mixed.

Part of me has that feeling of being young again and so excited for a trip. The anticipation is starting to consume my every thought. Playing it out in my mind how things will go or won't go. What I will feel. What I will want. What the next two weeks will look like. It's funny how it's never how you pictured it, good or bad, it's always different then you expected.

The other part of me it hasn't even hit yet. Everyone around me is excited and nervous for me, but I don't feel like I can even grasp what is to come. It doesn't feel real yet.

These last few weeks I have been so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Being so uncomfortable, unable to sleep, wanting to meet the little guy. Today it feels different. This is the last time I will feel him kicking inside of me, asserting need for more room. Some how I find myself with mixed feelings now. Funny how that all changes.

Maybe it's the realization that everything changes. That you experience things in life and then you continue on because there is more to experience. Without moving on you would never experience more moments that are just as great or better.

So it's a day of mixed feelings and probably a little bit of the hormones talking. I find that I could potentially cry over anything the last couple of weeks. One thing I know is that I'm ready to be done with that feeling!

I probably won't post till the baby is here. Life will be different that is for sure. But I will keep you all updated on the joys and struggles of life with a new born.

Appointment

Quick little update. Went to the doctors today for my weekly check-up. Everything looked good. Still at 3cm but now 80% effaced. Hopefully that means on Friday it should take too long for me to have this little one. I am feeling a little surge of energy to get some more stuff done so that is good. Hopefully this afternoon I get take a nap and get some more homework done.

To Do

It's my day to sleep in. The first Wednesday to not have to be in to work at the OCC at 7:30am in 2 1/2 months. And do I sleep in... nope. I got up around 7:20am to go to the bathroom. When returning to bed I had found that someone had rolled over into my spot and was sound a sleep. He was just too cute to move, and I was tired of being in bed, so I decided to come out to the living room and try my hand at sleeping out here for a while. Not a chance. By this point I have way too much on my mind. Things that need to get done.

So I decided instead of waisting an hour or two trying to fall back a sleep just in time to have to get up and shower, I would just get up and work on some stuff. Take a nap this afternoon.

I find that posting my to do list on here really helps me to be focused. Or something... So here it is:

1. clean the kitchen.... check (just waiting for the floor to dry)
2. clean the bathroom
3. shower
4. doctors appointment at 11:50am
5. hopefully respond to my partner's essay online if she ever posts it. The essay was due yesterday at 8am and it's still not posted. We have 3 days to respond. Hope I don't have a baby before then or no responding from me. Just kind of annoying because I don't want to have to worry about it later.
6. work on Gospel of John homework due tomorrow (just looking up background information, nothing strenious)
7. if time try to research and write 3rd essay for Holy Spirit so I don't have to do it later.

So we will see how far I get. 1-6 needs to get done today but it would be nice to get of number 7 done.

BABY NEWS:
No news. Nothing much new on the baby front. Had some really good strong contractions last night but they didn't continue for super long. We will see what the doctor says today. Probably just see you on Friday.

I had lunch with a stuffed animal because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

Just couldn't help myself! Thanks Moe :)

Pick the month you were born:
January——-I kicked
February——I loved
March——–I karate chopped
April———-I licked
May———-I jumped on
June———-I smelled
July———–I did the Macarena With
August——–I had lunch with
September—-I danced with
October——-I sang to
November—–I yelled at
December—–I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1——-a birdbath
2——-a monster
3——-a phone
4——-a fork
5——-a snowman
6——-a gangster
7——-my mobile phone
8——-my dog
9——-my best friends‘ boyfriend
10——-my neighbor
11——-my science teacher
12——-a banana
13——-a fireman
14——-a stuffed animal
15——-a goat
16——-a pickle
17——-your mom
18——-a spoon
19—— - a smurf
20——-a baseball bat
21——-a ninja
22——-Chuck Norris
23——-a noodle
24——-a squirrel
25——-a football player
26——-my sister
27——-my brother
28——-an ipod
29——-a surfer
30——-a llama
31——-A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White———because I’m cool like that
Black———because that’s how I roll.
Pink———–because I’m crazy..
Red———–because the voices told me to.
Blue———–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green———because I think I need some serious help.
Purple———because I’m AWESOME!
Gray———-because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.
Yellow——–because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange——–because my family thinks I’m stupid anyway.
Brown———because I can..
Other———-because I’m a Ninja!
None———-because I can’t control myself!

Update

Sorry I haven't updated. I am going through spurts of needing to sleep, clean the house, make Eric move things around and hang things up. I think I am just ready for this baby to come!

With that being said, we are still waiting.

This past Wednesday's Doc. appointment we decided that if he doesn't come before Friday we are going to induce. So I am scheduled to go in at 7:30am. They will break my water and give me drugs to start labor. I am already 3cm and 70% effaced so it really should take much is what the Doctor said. Still having contractions but nothing strong enough or for long enough to get overly excited about. I feel like I am at the edge and someone just needs to push me over.

The Doctor also guessed on his weight. She thought he had hit the 8lbs mark. To that I say, "yup, time for him to come out!" It will be interesting to see how close she is to his actual weight. All I know is that he is big and I am ready to meet him.

Eric's sister and fiance are coming up on Saturday so I'm also really excited for that. It will be good to see them and for them to hang out with us in the hospital. They are really laid back but really good company. It will be really good to have them around. My parents are going to wait till next Wed. to come up so they can be up here for Thanksgiving and till Sunday. It will also be good to have family here for Thanksgiving. Eric's parents are going to try to come up next Saturday. It will be nice to have family here to help and give me a chance to get some sleep also.

So, that's about it. Every day I get a little bit more homework done and that always feels good. Eric is still working but always on baby call. He keeps telling me to stop being a baby hog. Every time I think the contractions are actually getting stronger and it might be it, he gets all excited. It's kind of cute.. okay, not just kind of but really cute! I am excited to see him be a dad.

I will try to be better about updating this week and then posting pictures when the little one actually comes.

Summer Camp

We are still waiting.

Some days he acts like he is going to come but then the contractions just fizzle out. I think I am more then ready to just get the show on the road.

Friday we found ourselves at the hospital. I had contractions every 3-5 minutes for a couple of hours regularly so the nurse at the clinic told me to head to the hospital. We were really excited thinking this is the beginning. Well, I was having regular contractions but they weren't strong enough. They told me to come in again if they got bad enough I couldn't talk through them. Oh yeah, on Wed. at the doctors office I was at a 3cm and I guess on Friday I was the same. The nurse lady at the birth place said they didn't want to admit me till I was at a 5cm. So we wait some more. I'm not a very good waiter.

All weekend we were at the hospital anyhow. We had our birth and parenting classes. Most of it was common sense but some was helpful. I think just good to know and have in the back of our minds. During the class we added up how much time it would take to feed and change the little one. 7.5 hours. That is a full time job. AHHHH That doesn't even count everything else that goes along with a baby. Someone should have done the math for us before all of this happened. In light of this realization... or number crunching... I have decided that having a newborn is going to be a lot like working at camp. And here is why:

1. When you sign-up to work at camp you think it is a really good idea. You don't think of all the work or lack of time to yourself. All you see in your mind is fireworks and balloons, maybe some confetti. The only thing that flashes through your mind is FUN! This too happens when you think of babies. The joys of having a baby overshadow any common sense or clarity of reality. I think it's God's trick to get us to procreate.

2. Time Factor. As previously mentioned there isn't a lot of time to yourself with a baby. Much like at camp. I remember coveting my 5-10minutes a day that I got to spend talking to an adult. It kept my sanity. Kept me going. This will be the same way the first few months of the babies life. What's an adult conversation? Have I been outside of the house in the last 4 days? When's the last time I've showered? All questions you ask yourself at camp and when you have a baby. The only difference is that at camp I smelt of horses and campfire. With the baby I will smell of spit-up and poop.

3. Lack of sleep. At camp you get a few hours of sleep a night on a good night. You rely a lot on caffeine and motivation. Baby... what you get to sleep at all?

4. And then just like camp when looking back on the past summer you remember all of the good times, some of the bad, but for the most part think that it would be a great idea to work their again. In the same way when the last child is 2 or3 years of age you look back on the first few months and remember the mostly good times. The struggles that you overcame and think once again that having another child is a good idea.

I remember the first week when the campers arrived. I was scared I was going to break them or mess them up for life. I didn't know what I was doing. What I really wanted was to sit back to watch someone else do it for a while. Someone had taught me some things during training but I couldn't remember them... how do I do that again?

So I'm ready. Bring it on. Just like I muddled my way through the first week or two of camp I will do the same with this little one. I will learn, I will find that I can do it, I will overcome and I will learn a lot about myself and my marriage. And through it all I will truly live.

Rainy Day Spider Solitaire

I have a new addiction....Rainy Day Spider Solitaire on iVillage games.

This is what my morning will hopefully look like:

1. 7:30-8:02am -- Online Rainy Day Spider Solitaire. I have come in and gotten a little fix. Only a half hour so that's not bad.

8:02-8:30am -- Blog and read others blogs; some where in here BS with the maintenance guys

8:30am -- Finish thoughts on sermon for class this afternoon. Remember that the sermon is only for class and it doesn't have to be perfect. This is also my last sermon for the class this year! YIPPIE!

9ish - 9:30am -- Reward myself for finishing the sermon with some Rainy Day Spider Solitaire

9:30am -- Work on homework for EBT that is due on Friday

10:30am -- Go to Gospel of John Class

12:30pm -- Come back to the infodesk to work till 3

3-5pm -- Senior Preaching Class

5pm -- Go home and take a nap! Really this is my favorite part of the day.


Quick note: Eric goes to see Keith today for a massage. I am excited to see how that goes and if he likes it. I hope he really enjoys it but the other part of me is scared that he will really enjoy it and want to go often. Who is going to pay for that?

Sunday Afternoon in the OCC

So there is this little event in the campus center today. There is one gentleman who has been wondering around by the desk wanting to know why the building wasn't designed differently. Mainly because he couldn't figure out where the parking lot was and got confused. So he needed to complain about it. I'm not sure what he wanted me to do about it?!?! I'm not going to go and knock down walls for him and build a walkway so he feels better. THEN he asked me where they hold Sunday services. Um.. we don't. He kind of freaked about about that and said, "What.. (gasp)... the Lutheran Seminary doesn't hold Sunday services!" (In a very judging tone) Then I tried to explain to him that everyone is out in congregations and have responsibilities for Sunday services in church communities around the City. We have Chapel services everyday of the week at 10am. Well, I think that let the air out of his balloon a little and he couldn't find anything else wrong so he walked away. I just don't get why people need to come in and complain about everything. Does it make them feel better?

Getting closer to having my sermon written for class on Monday. That's exciting! I'm trying so hard to be motivated but it is so beautiful outside I can't help but want to be out there. AND I am being good and snacking on baby carrots. All I want to do is eat so I am trying to eat something good for me and not just junk. Once again I think I have a bound will to food.

Ready, Set.... Go?

I'm Ready!

I'm ready to have this baby already. Last night while I was sleeping my sides just hurt so bad from having to lay on them all the time. This morning after being up for a while my back is killing me! I think that means that the baby is growing again and not just a little bit but noticeably. So I put my belly belt on again today. I have found that I don't need it everyday so I usually only wear it when I need it. I think that sitting at the desk for too long is part of my problem also. I'm just looking forward to this part of it being over and having a baby. At this point I don't even care about school work or the infodesk and how that is all going to work itself out.... I just want this baby to come. I dreamed about being in labor all night long so obviously I'm ready. I have also found that I am the most emotional I have ever been. I could start crying over anything. I don't like that feeling and it usually isn't me. Once again I look forward to having my body back and the hormones to even out again. I keep telling myself that there have been so many strong women who have done this before me.. and continue to have childern. I just have to keep my eye on the goal.

One more crab for the day. It is so HOT in the campus center that I think I might be melting. You would think that they could regulate the heat a little better and save some money.

On an up note.... it was daylight savings last night and we gained an extra hour. Can't complain about that really. Espeically for this prego woman who needs all the extra hours she can get of sleep!

Indecisive

I have so many mixed emotions today.. well I've felt like this for a few days.. but add the whole Halloween/should be doing something tonight thing in and I feel kind of lonely. Eric is at work till 10:30 tonight and I don't feel like being all that social but at the same time I'm really lonely and feel like I should be doing something tonight. Once again I feel like I want to get out of town. Maybe I just want to have a purpose. I want to sleep and have a party all at the same time. I think I need to have this baby because the hormones are getting to me!

Trying to Relax

Finally just got done with my little paper thing for my 6-week class that ended. It wasn't a huge burden but feels good to be done.

I'm just looking ahead to see what is next on my plate to get done. I work this weekend so I will have plenty of time sitting at the desk to get stuff done. One of which is writing my last sermon for senior preaching.

The last couple of days I have been a little more nervous about how classes and stuff are going to get done and how that is all going to work out. I talked with one of my profs and he was so great about everything. He said just keep doing the work for the weeks and we will just figure it out when we need to. He also reminded me that we are over half over with course work so not to worry too much. Made me feel a lot better and to just relax about school work a little more.

And tonight is Grey's. I have a couple of friends coming over and I plan on just relaxing. I been having trouble sleeping lately and I think it's because stress and hormones. Taking some me time should hopefully help.

Speaking of me time! I scheduled Eric for an hour massage with K today for Monday morning and I scheduled myself for a half hour again on Tuesday afternoon. We are going to work on my lower body this next time and stretching a little more so I am more prepared for labor. Hopefully this baby can wait to come till after then!

Doctors Appointment

Just had a doctors appointment. I was really disappointed with the doctors office today. I got there at 2:00pm thinking that my appointment was at 2:10pm. Only to find out that I was scheduled at 12:10pm. I looked in my little blue bible to see if maybe I had assumed something or if I made a mistake. What I had written down was 2:10pm. Who knows who messed up. Good possibility that it could have been me. At that point it didn't matter I had to figure out a solution. Once the receptionist told me that I was suppose to be their earlier she just stood there and stared at me. So I asked her what I should do next... I don't know how this whole thing works. All I know is that I am suppose to see the doctor once a week. If it had just been me I probably would have gone home and come back next week, thinking whatever. But the problem is that it's not just me anymore and I have this other life inside of me that I need to think of. Not fair to him if something is wrong and I would never forgive myself if I just didn't care enough to make a stink about seeing the doctor. So I asked what I should do next.... She told me I could either reschedule for Friday (ugh) or see the nurse. Well, I know that I am suppose to see the doctor only now and I know nurses are good people but what do they know about a prenatal check-up? So I questioned the receptionist if I could see the nurse. She just kind of looked at me again and was like or you could come back on Friday. Then I asked her again, but is it "okay" for me to see the nurse? She was like yeah, why not. I just wanted some more information to be able to make an informed decision, I'm not asking for your attitude. So I said okay, I will see the nurse then. About 5 minutes later I get called back to do the lab thing. The lab person walked past the bathrooms that I knew about to pee in the cup and as she was about 5 feet in front of me she says to no one walking in front of her, "can you give a sample." At first I wasn't even sure if it was her talking much less to me. And I was confused because we had passed the bathrooms. So I asked her, "What was that?" Then she asked me again so I did that whole business and went into the lab to check weight and blood pressure. Found out that I lost 2lbs and my blood pressure is down... which is great! But the lab person was super impersonal and just kind of like whatever. Then she took me into a room and told me to get undressed from the waist down and wait. Never told me why I was undressing or what was going on. So there I sat for a few minutes waiting for the "nurse" and just feeling like crap. Maybe a little like cattle being herded around. And I started lamenting about my doctor in Sioux Falls. How much I loved Dr. Scott and all the of staff. I lamented about how I never felt like I was just a thing. And being 37 1/2 weeks prego.. and emotional the tears started coming. I tried really hard to keep it in. If I could just get through the visit and then go out into my car and let it go. I tried so hard but the nurse practitioner came in and I just couldn't hold it in. And she noticed right away and was very concerned. And so we talked. And she was very understanding. And I found out that she wasn't just a nurse but a nurse practitioner... big difference. And I feel bad because it's not about being nervous about labor. I just am not really worried about that part. I am looking forward in a weird way to experiencing the process. I am looking forward to overcoming and having this little miracle at the end. And the other part is that I like my doctor here. Dr. Baker has been great, it's just her staff that I have not been impressed with at all. And I just needed to be frustrated for a while because I use to have the whole package.

But after really listening to me and talking we did the check-up. She checked the baby's heartbeat. Everything is good there. I was able to ask the questions I wanted and she was so great about answering them. I was surprised to learn that I am 1cm. I guess that doesn't mean that the baby is going to come tomorrow or the next day. It just means that my body is really preparing itself and starting the process. Also if something would happen and they would need to induce, it means that it wouldn't take much to induce me.

So there you have it. An up and down day. Exciting to know that I am close to having the baby. It's also exciting to know that my body is really ready to have this baby. But also just emotional. And so I take it one moment at a time. And in those moments everything will get done.

Wednesday Rambling

So I had a dream last night that I met the New Kids on The Block. I know.. weird. They were really nice in my dream and I was really excited to meet them. Who knew I cared so much????
Also, earlier in the evening when I took a little snoozer (that's fancy for nap), I had a dream that I was solving a murder mystery. Kind of like I was on NCIS or CSI. I think it had to do with some baseball thing or situation. (once again why baseball) I was all super detective person and solving the case one fact at a time. I also was making up the dream as I went, so I'm not sure if I was creating a tv show or solving a crime. I think this means that I have watched too much TV. Yup, pretty sure that's what that means. They have been having NCIS marathons from 4-7 every night on USA. I can't help myself. I have to have it on while I am making supper and I have to watch NCIS and CSI in the evenings. Us having DVR has not helped either because I can just record it and watch it later if need be. I wonder if there are any support groups for those who have murder mystery issues?

This morning I was walking into the campus center to work and it was kind of dark still. I thought I saw something playing or moving around on the yard. Then I decided that maybe I was just making things up so I kept walking. All of a sudden out of no where I was attacked. BY BIRDS! I have always thought that the squirrels around campus are plotting against the people but never the birds. Those sneaky birds. Two of them flew up out of no where and dive bombed me. I think I even let out a little screetch. It was great.

Today we have a doctors appointment at 2:10. Yay for peeing in a cup! The goal this appointment is to have maintained my blood pressure of for it to have even come down a little. Now that midterm stuff is over I'm hoping this is the case. I have already tried restricting some of my own activity and not adding to what I need to do. I would rahter restrict my own stuff a little then the doctor restricting it for me. Yesterday I took the whole afternoon off after my massage and just relaxed. I sat in the recliner as much as possible and elevated my feet. I can tell as the days go by it's harder to get the fluid out of my legs. Although I still can't complain because I haven't had as much trouble as a lot of women. Eric still thinks that his wishful thinking will bring the baby here on Friday. He is getting anxious for the little guy to be here.

So here is my goal for the day. My "to do list" if you will:
1. Write my final reflection paper that no one know how long it is suppose to be for OT class. (sometimes not having a specific number of pages that you have to write is freeing.... other times it's just annoying!)
2. Finish my online bible study for the Gospel of John.
3. Stop drinking the juice that gives me bad heart burn (I made some juice last night. It sounded great when I pulled it out of the freezer.. something about cherry, grape, and apple caught my eye. Sounded like a wonderful idea when I made it. The first glass was good around 8pm so at 11pm right before I went to bed I decided that a 2nd glass would be even better. I woke up around 1am and had the worst heart burn. It felt like my esophogus was on fire. I took some tums and drank a little 2% milk. Went back to bed, right after I went to the bathroom of course. This morning I thought that maybe it was because I drank the juice and then layed down that caused the problem. Just kidding. It's the juice. I drank some this morning again and I think that I now have a hole in my esophogus. Note to self: make Eric drink the rest of the juice.)

Habits

Today has been a great day. It's so nice to have finished 2 classes. (I will have totally finished 2 classes once I type my paper this afternoon). I would normally have class this afternoon from 1-4 but not anymore! I have extra time to relax and get homework done. Feels really good!

This afternoon I had a 1/2 massage. It was great. I feel so much better and didn't realize how tight I was in my shoulders. We only did a half hour because K thought it would be a good idea to make sure it's okay with my doctor before we go longer. I will talk to her tomorrow and am hoping that I can go back in a week or two and work on stretching and massaging my legs which will help with delivery. I also think I am going to send Eric to K. He could help Eric with his neck/upper back problem and I think help him with his new found lifting and working out regimen. K also helped me to think about asking the question of when I can work out again after the baby is born. Good things to ask the doctor!

So needless to say I'm glad I have had a little extra time to baby myself. I hope that being able to take care of myself physically and mentally will help me to be a better mother. I also hope that my better habits will help my child(ren) have better habits too.

Oh Baby

No baby yet. Eric thinks that if he just names a time and date that the baby (and my body) are going to listen and the baby is going to come. He has officially named Friday for when the baby is coming. He is so silly... God knows that I have too much to do before the 23rd much less before Friday. Silly, silly, Eric.

This weekend the family was here. It was wonderful to have them around and to have them help get a few extra things in order. I finally cleaned out the crib a little more and it is no longer another storage bin. I also had the parents take a few extra things back with them that we don't have room for. One of them being the window air conditioner.

After the family left yesterday I took a quick little nap and then Eric and I went to Target to get a few extra things that we will need if the baby does come soon. Here's the list:
1. Diaper Garbage Can thing
2. Wet Wipes
3. Breast Pump (it's great how when you are standing in the isle trying to figure out what you should buy how many women walk by and try to help. All of them kept suggesting the same one so we were sold on it. At first I think Eric was a little weirded out by the "women talk" but then realized how nice it was to have advice from women who know more and had experience this whole thing. And those breast pumps are not cheap.. and it's not like you can try them out to see if you like them and decide you want to try something different. You are kind of stuck with it when you open the box. So that was our breast pump buying Target experience.
4. Extra Boppy slip cover things (not for in case but when the baby spits up all over everything)

I think that's all we bought for the baby. That's enought for him for a while. He is too expensive and he's not even born yet! And spoiled by the Grandmas.

Community

Tonight I was just thinking about community. What it means to be a part of a community and how important that is. I think that's what I miss about internship the most, being part of a community. A church community, a town community. Usually it takes awhile to build those relationships, figure out the system, where you fit in. Walking in as the "pastor" you get a different in, both within the church and in the town. It always takes time to build those bonds and earn people's trust, but becoming part of the community happens so much faster . I miss that.

I have a community here at Luther. And it was good to get back and see so many friends and colleagues but with not much time left it's different and not many people want to get attached. I know I am one of them. I have my people and I'm okay with that. It's also hard to really be part of the community too. There is so much going on and too much homework. It's more a temporary community and not the same. There are no football games to go sit and watch. No small town things going on. Maybe it's just that the Cities are too big for me. I miss the small community fun.

I'm not really sure what made me think of this. Just a thought for the moment and another realization about what makes my life a little more grounded and full. It's always good to realize a little bit more what I want and need in my life.

The other thing that I am sure of right now is that I need sleep. Only to be back here at the infodesk tomorrow morning at 7:30am.

Weekend

Today has been a good day. I slept in till 8:30. Did the dishes while making blueberry pancakes.. Yum! I didn't have to be to work till 12:30 so I was able to just relax and get ready slowly. Oh did I mention that I didn't have class today either? Well that we pretty great also. It's been a good day to get caught-up on life, rest, and homework. I have a little bit more to do for class tomorrow but that shouldn't be too painful. I just have to write about my feelings for a few pages.

The family is coming tomorrow. By family I mean my parents, sister-in-law and niece. I am super excited to have them around and to be here for the babyshower on Saturday. It will be good to see them before the baby gets here, especially since we can't go home fore Thanksgiving. Yeah you noticed that my brother wasn't in that list. That's because he is going hunting. I know where his priorities are now. :) He really doesn't like the Cities so that is fine with me, we will see him at Christmas. Eric's mom and sister are also coming Saturday for the shower. I know that it means a ton to Eric that they will be here and it will be so good to see them too! It's really awesome that they are driving up for the day.

Doctors Appointment

So I just got back from the docs. Everything looked good. My blood pressure was up a little so the doctor checked it again when I was in with her. Still up a little bit but she said that we would check it again next week and hopefully it has stayed the same or gone down a little. It was 136/70somthing when the nurse took it and 132/70something when the doctor took it. Dr. B said something about limiting my activity if it keeps going up. LIMIT MY ACTIVITY! I guess she doesn't know who she is dealing with! I don't know what I would cut out of my life right now besides these 2 classes that I'm finishing up this week. That should help limit my activity of writing papers but I'm not sure if that's what she is talking about.

Morning Rant

Defiantly getting to be that time of the year. It keeps getting darker and darker in the mornings when I get up. :( I like light I have decided and mainly don't like this time of the year because of the lack of sunlight. I have also learned about myself this week that it's not the getting up that I mind so much as the getting ready. If only I could just roll out of bed and show up to work. Probably wouldn't go over so well.

Today's To do List:
-See yesterdays to do list

I do have the project done but I have 2 1/2 papers to write for ethics. SO CLOSE! I might write a lament later today as I am working on them.

I have a doctors appointment today. Once I wake up I will be excited to go. It's getting closer and closer. 4 1/2 weeks left and he is defiantly gaining weight. I am so ready for him to be here and at the same time getting a little nervous that in a few weeks I will have a baby. I don't think it's totally real yet. I am also a little nervous about school stuff and that I will allow myself the time off to be a mom. I want to enjoy that time with him and not be stressed.

Also went through my approval interview with the two faculty I was assigned. It wasn't painful at all and they approved me. Good to have that done and I can check it off my to do list.

Procrastination

At the desk this morning again from 7:30am-1pm. Kind of a long shift but the idea is that I can get a lot of homework done and actually be forced to do it out of sheer boredom. We will see if that works. Just trying to get my surfing and brain turned on for the morning. Still feeling like I want to lay my head down on the desk and take a quick nap. Too bad that's not gonna happen.

I have my faculty approval interview today after class at 4pm. I was suppose to have a massage at 4:30 but because things haven't gotten going on this interview I was forced to cancel the massage and hopefully reschedule today for sometime this week. I REALLY need that massage.

It's also reading days here at good ole Luther Sem. In years past this would have meant a couple of days off. This year that translates into a lot to do both for school and at home. It's amazing how two of us generate so much more stuff to get done. We did laundry yesterday morning/early afternoon and yesterday evening I folded it. I finished up my presentation for this afternoon (still have a class this afternoon) and then headed to bed. I think I might be coming down with something so I want to nip that in the butt and get a little extra sleep.

Because I need to get a lot done this mornign here is my to do list:
1. Polish up my presentation for this afternoon
2. Work on my Ethics #3 paper
3. Work on Ethics #4 paper
4. And if I'm really good, work on Ethics #5 paper

Oh yeah, quick baby update. Tomorrow I switch to every week visits to the doctor. It's getting closer!

Busy Weekend and Week

Quick little post before I finish uploading pictures from this weekend on facebook and then off to bed.

This past weekend we got out of town and headed towards the land of cheese, also known as Wis. We went to some friends wedding from college. It was so great to see them get married and I am so glad I was able to be there. I even stayed up till 12:30am Saturday night! I'm a risk taker, let me tell you!

Yesterday (Sunday) the drive back was good but once we hit town we were totally whipped. We really NEEDED groceries so we went to the store before we even came home because we knew we would never make it back out if we came home first. It took everything we had to shop and then carry the stuff up. We needed to do laundry also but that wasn't happening last night. Makes me REALLY miss living in Dells and having the laundry stuff in our own place. I keep reminding myself only a few more months of having to go down to the basement.

Last night I had a really hard time sleeping because my back hurt really bad. I think this happens when the baby is working on growing and gaining weight. Worked at 7:30am this morning so that didn't help at all either. Tomorrow morning I work at 7:30am again. I just keep telling myself that I will appreciate the paycheck when it comes.

This week I have so much homework to get done but don't have classes except for tomorrow afternoon. I will feel much better once this week is done and my family is here to visit. It's always good to have an event or something to look forward to!

Ketchup

Why is it that when I am sitting in class I could find so much to surf online. I could not pay attention for years and still be fine. On nights like tonight sitting at the desk while it is so quiet in here, I feel like there is nothing to do. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I HAVE nothing to do.. it's just that there is nothing I WANT to do. The key word here is want, not need.

Tomorrow we are taking off at 7am or earlier to head to a friends wedding. I am SO SUPER EXCITED. I NEED to get out of town for a little, bit away from the people and just drive. It's been so long, or at least it feels like it; 3 or 4 months now. And before that I felt so tied down this summer at work. But the doctor said everything was okay and cleared me to go to WI. Not only am I excited to head out of town but I am so excited to see my friends get married. It feel like it has been forever since they got engaged and I am so happy for them. I just hope to stay up past 9pm. That's my goal for now :) Sad but true! The other goal is not to go into labor in WI. I told Eric we are taking the car seat just in case something happens. I think that if we had to go out and buy a new car seat that would push me over the edge. I like to flirt with the edge but not go over. I don't make for good company then.

So the last few days I have been fighting with BabysRUs. We had been given a gift card in the mail from a friend for there and decided not to buy anything until we know more of what we need. Well, I sent Eric there the other day to buy the maternity belt thing and they said that there was no money on the card. I just thought the money probably didn't get scanned on their right. Boy was I wrong. I guess I am just naive. Upon calling the company and hanging out on the phone with them for about a totally of 2 hours the last couple of days, I guess something went shopping online with our card number on October 6th. It sure wasn't us. So after all of the hassle and me being angry with the way the company has dealt with it, I got a call today saying they are sending us a new card for the same amount of money that was originally on the other card. So life is better and I don't have to worry about that anymore. While I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and in the middle of midterms that was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I was less than happy with the situation. All I can say is don't mess with the pregnant lady in the middle of a semester! But alas it should be cleared up.

My dad has been so cute about this whole pregnancy thing. He has been asking all sorts of questions and wondering about how big the baby is, how I'm doing, who is going to take me to the hospital if Eric isn't around. Just really good inuitive questions meaning he obviously has spent time thinking about all these things. The other night on the phone he asked me if I wanted my mom to stay with us for a while after the baby is born. I honestly don't know. I guess it depends how the delivery goes and what kind of temperment the baby has. That and I haven't done this before, I don't know what I need. But it was just so cute that he was all worried and thinking about me. My mom HATES driving in traffic and couldn't drive in the Cities so my dad would probably leave her here when they came to see the baby after delivery but would then need to drive back to pick her up. And I know he would do that and be fine with it. What a great dad! So we will see what happens and what I need.

Well that's for all until Monday when I am back at this desk procrastinating the things I need to get done.

Tums and Maternity Belts: two of my favorite things

I just need to share quick before I work on finishing my Holy Spirit paper.

I have been having such horrific back pain. Well, it was just annoying and hard to stand up for the last few days. Yesterday afternoon/last night it was horrible. I thought that maybe I was going into labor because I looked it up and sometimes you can just have back labor. Who knew?!?! The pain was kind of coming and going about every 15minutes too. I thought I would just wade it out and see if I could sleep that night, if not then I would have to call the doctor. I made it to sleep and woke up a few times through out the night but managed to fall back asleep. I decided that if I wasn't able to fall back asleep then I probably needed to do something about it :)

I also sent Eric out to Target to try to find a maternity belt. What's a maternity belt you might ask? Well click on the link and you will see. Of course no such luck that Target would carry them. They just have them for you to order online. Who thinks.. I want to wear that! I think I will just get one and have it on hand. No one. You only get it and wear it if you have to, in an emergency. And in such emergency you don't have time to order it online and wait for it to get here.

Once I figured out that BabiesRUs has them they were closed so I couldn't call to see if they actually carry them or just have them online.

So this morning my back was feeling a little better and I could stand-up so I can up to work at the infodesk. When the clock struck 9:30am I called over the BabiesRUs and Yippie they had them.. and even carried them in the store. Amazing.

So I called up the hubby and sent him on a maternity belt run. What a husband! So I put it on just about a half hour ago and it is the best thing since tums! I just feel so much better. Life is good again!

The End

Productivity

Yesterday I was actually semi productive. In between clicking the refresh button on facebook I actually got a lot done.

While I was at work Eric decided that we needed to go out on a date last night. It's been so long since we have just gone out, just the two of us. We are both really bad at inviting others or making plans with everyone else. I asked for some Eric time last night earlier in the week and I got date night. It was amazing! We went out to the Old Spaghetti Works downtown. It was just a cool little environment and REALLY good food. It was really good to catch-up about the week and I hadn't realized how much I forgot to fill him in on. Ooops! And then we got home, watched some tv we had taped and I went to bed so I could be back at the desk at 8:30am. Perfect night and I even got 8 hours of sleep in. What more could a pregnant girl ask for?!?!?! Not much that is for sure.

This morning got to work at the infodesk. Wrote my mission sermon for my Monday's senior preaching class. Was done with it by 9:30. Yay for the Holy Spirit!

I drempt about the baby last night again. I can't remember what but that it was something about holding him and how much I wanted to hold him. Granted I'm holding him in my huge abdomen area but it's not the same. I think he and I both want him to be out. He's not so much all about the kicks anymore as he is about pushing his body in a way that he gets a little bit more room to move. I was reading a book last night and he is now over a foot head to butt.. that doesn't even count his legs. No wonder I feel like a house. And he should weigh about 5lbs now. I had Eric take some pictures last night of how big I am. ( I will post them later as I get them uploaded off the camera) We then looked back on pictures from a month ago. HOLY CRAP! I have grown so much. It's hard to tell when you are with yourself all the time. No wonder I am so tired all the time and my back hurts. I still have a month left. How does that work?!?! There is no way I can get bigger, and if so how?

So my goal for the rest of the morning is to get this Holy Spirit paper finished. Ready, Set, GO!

Bondage of the Will

About a month ago I thought it would be a good idea to schedule myself till 9:30 last night and then 8:30-3 today and tomorrow. Who wasn't thinking, raise your hand. *you can't see it but I'm raising mine* I keep telling myself I can get a lot of homework done AND get a nicer paycheck. Maybe I should write that on a large piece of paper and hang it up on the desk. Maybe then I will really convince myself that it was still a good idea.

So I sit at the desk. Here is how the day will unfold:

8:30-9:30: Surf the internet, check facebook every 3 minutes to see if anyone has updated anything, blog, look at others blogs, sing to the radio, check facebook again, feed the baby some caffeine, check facebook again, check my email.

9:30-10: Take out my books and papers to write my Holy Spirit paper. 2,500 words, not too bad. I just need to start and it won't be so bad.

10-11: Start writing my Holy Spirit paper, check facebook again to see if anyone has updated anything.... come on people update something and make it good!

11-12: Tell myself that I have pissed away the morning and just really need to get this paper written. Try to convince myself that I will feel a lot better when it's done and I will really be able to relax.

12-12:30: eat lunch, surf facebook some more, check to see if anyone has updated any blogs, sing to the radio a little bit, check facebook some more, try to be a creeper on facebook but not very successfully.

12:30-12:45: try to convince myself to continue writing my paper. It's hared to get yourself motivated to continue a paper once you have stopped for a while.


You get the gist. This will be my day. I would love to say that I will/can break the bad habbits that I have developed but I'm not sure it will happen because I have a bound will. I know that's not what Luther meant by bondage of the will, but I think if facebook and the internet exsisted when Luther was alive he would better understand what a bound will really is.

Things I Have Noticed Today

-- That I have only posted once this month and it's almost the middle of the month

-- I didn't realize that when people pass me in small spaces that I naturally suck in my stomach to allow them to get by. This doesn't work so well when you are as big as a house. And that people look at you like you are just standing in the middle of the room. Nope! I'm just really that big and I can't do anything about it. You will just have to squeeze through or go around.

-- I need to allow myself to rest. That sometimes I need to take that time even if others aren't super okay with me doing that. Sometimes I just need to do that for myself. I am not superwoman and I don't have to do it all and be all to everyone. And most people are okay with that. And I feel better now that I took the morning off and let my body rest.

Thoughts for Now

What to write about.... what even comes to mind at 7:50am on a Monday morning besides wishing I was still in bed. Or my lack of motivation to do anything at the moment. I don't even "feel" like drinking coffee right now. *gasp*

Got to work this morning and found the garbage can missing from behind the desk. Guess someone decided they needed it more then we do. Awesome... (note the sarcasm) It's just one of those items that you assume will be there and take for granted while you have it. It is also one of those things that bugs you and is hard to live without when it is gone. I guess this will teach me to be more appreciative of the garbage can. When it is returned I promise I won't take it for granted anymore and will pay more attention to it.

Then, the moment that I think I have it bad I hear someone's story or problems.... and I sigh because really, I have it pretty good. I don't have a 30 page paper due on Tuesday that I haven't even started. Gross!

My garbage can just got returned. One of the maintenance guys found it. life is good. I even feel that I have some energy coming back to me. It's the little things in life! I feel a little more complete again.... *sigh*

Dreaming of a White Christmas

I know, or at least can take a guess, that you don't want to hear this BUT I'm kind of looking forward to Christmas time. I know weird. Not usually my thing and not usually what I would be saying (the whole cold snowy thing depresses me) but for some reason this year I am excited to see the Christmas trees in the store.

I am also enjoying the cooler weather. I finally like to get up in the morning and feel the cold on my feet and the chill in the air. Probably because I'm carrying a little heater, but I thought for sure this little heater would just make me more comfortable and not hot all the time. Not true. Not true all the time. Eric use to be the hog of the sheet and I could have the comforter. Now, even with sleeping with the window open, I am the one who needs the sheet and Eric needs the comforter. It's almost too cold for him. My have things changed!

So I wait in anticipation for Christmas. The time when we can travel again and go see family. I miss family. I miss being home and around family, knowing that I don't have to accomplish anything or have any deadlines. I place that I can just be.

Reevaluate

Have you ever had one of those days that nothing big happened but everything seems wrong and everyone seems against you, yet not.

I'm having one of those days. And I'm having a hard to explaining to myself, much less to others. All the little things seem to be one big thing that is weighing me down tonight.

Today was one of those days that felt like I was just missing the mark. Like everyone was playing a different game then me and I haven't learned the rules of the new game yet. I'm playing, but yet not getting it. I was the odd man out, the one who couldn't get the hang of the game and everyone around me saw it and new it.

I think this state of there but not really stinks the most. It's because you can't quiet put your finger on why you feel the way you do... you just know that you do. You can't point to one or many things that are bothering you or bringing down your day .. you just feel that way.

Senior preaching on these types of days doesn't help. Being pregnant and people having their opinions don't help. I honestly didn't spend much time on my sermon. I didn't have time in all honesty. Plus I am so relational when I preach I can't just make stuff up and preach to a paragraphed situation that does not exist. So I just did something to get it done. One down and two to go.

So tonight my aim is to get a good nights sleep. To do what I am capable of doing and letting the rest go. My aim is to shut out the world for a few hours and hope that I am in the game tomorrow, or at least have a better sense of the rules. My aim is to be able to let things go and to be okay with who I am and where I am. That the choices I have made are good for me and my family. That I don't have to justify those decisions to anyone or make excuses. My aim is to be okay with letting others know that I am happy that I am having a baby. Just because having a baby would not be their choice and it is not something they would want right now... it is something that I want and am so excited for. My aim is to be true to what I want and not to allow others to bring me down and not for me to dumb down my feelings.

So tonight I reevaluate life... and maybe become a little more selfish. A little more cynical. A little more rough around the edges. A little more protective of what I want and who I am. Or maybe that is my hope.

One other thought for the day

Another quick thought for the day.

Jeff stopped by the desk just now. Oh how I miss him. For those of you who don't know he has been coming through here almost everyday for years and years and years. He is mentally handicap but I'm not sure exactly what he has. BUT he is great! He remembers EVERYTHING! There was just a gentleman who walked through the OCC and Jeff recognized him. He graduated in '81. Not only did he recognize him but after the guy told him his first name he knew his last name and the year he started at the Sem. I wish I had a mind like that! Jeff also has a foot fetish so he pretended to walk to the bathroom just to see what shoes I am wearing. Such a classic Jeff move. He isn't around here much anymore because his sister moved further away. He stops by a couple times a week now.

The end...

Patience

Patience.

How does on have patience?

Where does it come from? Can I go buy some? Is it learned? Can you ever have enough patience?

These are all the questions going through my head right after the creepy Saturday guy just left the campus center. (Moe, you know who I'm talking about!) He's not all there, loves to talk religion, but not normal religion. He has picked up random evangelical, everyone is going to hell, things throughout his life. His latest thing is to say that his friend told him nothing good comes from the Seminary... I just want to yell "THAN GO AWAY!" He wants to tell me that everyone is atheist because no one wants to talk religion with him. That's because he is so creepy and gets all fired up by anything you say to him. I finally had to ask him to lower his voice. And all I was saying back to him was "uh huh." I am almost a pastor and don't want to talk religion with him.... does that make me atheist? As he was standing here talking I know I don't want to worship the God that he is selling.

I think the worst is that I am confined to being behind the desk. I feel like a trapped rat having to listen to the crazy guy. I hate that feeling. And I don't think it helps that he is standing up over me and I am sitting down. It's amazing how body language and positioning really plays a factor into how we feel and communication. I also know that if I would get super annoyed that I would just have to walk away and just leave the desk and let the phone ringing. Somewhere I was taught not to resort to violence, should probably stick to that at the Seminary.

The other thought going through my head was... God loves him. God made him. He might be off in left field but God still cares for him. Normally this helps me to put things in a new light and be less annoyed, to have more patience. Nope, not working so much.

So I guess where I am going is... I need to learn not to schedule myself for Saturdays.

Nostalgic

I was just looking for a wedding sermon on my USB drive and I came across some photos that we took on our honeymoon and a few days after. I found myself wanting to go back to those moments. I want to go back to them more now then when I was actually living them.

Maybe it's the remembrance of no cares. Maybe it is the remembrance of the feeling of simplicity and a new beginning. Not that I haven't had great times in the last year, but I just want to go back there for a few minutes. Or maybe I want to go back and watch us from afar.

As I look back on some of those times I wonder if I will go back a year from now and want this time back. We are in such a life changing moment. We are young, struggling through life, making our way, making our family, and figuring out what that all means. In a month and a half we will welcome or first child into the world and begin another life giving moment in our lives. The beginning of another new start, a new beginning.

So I guess the question that is rolling through my head is... how do we really enjoy the moment? How do we fully live and experience the moment instead of always on our way to the next thing?

So with that I will share a few of the pictures of a year ago that have made me feel so nostalgic.
Our little buggy ride around Duluth when the fog was so thick we could barely see anything.


Boat ride on Lake Superior


At our friend Mary's parent's cabin near Brainard, MN. We stopped there to play on the water and to spend some time with Mary before we headed to another wedding.

Snot Funny

Really quick before I run off to class and work and all that is outside my door, I want you to ponder something with me....

"Where does all that snot come from when you are sick?"

Thanks...

Sick

I'm taking a sick day today. Well... because I'm sick.

I've been fighting this cold for a few days now and I thought I had slept it off on Saturday. No such luck. I didn't sleep very well last night. The only thing I can really take is Sudifed or Benedryl. Neither of which helps me to really sleep. SO... I have been up since 4am. YUCK and can't really sleep because of the coughing.

My mom suggested hot water with honey and lemon in it. I'm thinking that would help if I had a sour throat... but I don't, just the draining that makes me cough a lot.

So needless to say I am super hot. Or something. And the fight to sleep will continue.

Mental Preparation

Just needed to blog quick this morning before I start the day.

Having mixed feelings today. I am super excited that Eric starts his job today. It will be really good for him and will help pay the bills. He doesn't have to work till 2:30 so he doesn't get off till 10:30. Part of me is excited because I feel that I will have more motivation to do homework tonight. The other part of me is sad because I probably won't see him till tomorrow. Our schedules will be opposite one another which will come in handy when we have the baby but also tough for us to be together. Maybe it will just help us be more intentional about spending time together. AND really, it's only a few months. We can handle just about anything for a few months!

Getting myself mentally prepared for the week ahead. Or at least trying to. Still trying to get over this cold, which doesn't help. Also feeling VERY large today! I can't imagine having multiples. Defiantly ready to be done with the whole pregnancy thing. Or maybe I'm just done with the warm weather thing! Either way I'm tired of being huge! Kind of depressing that I have 9 more weeks left.

Life Struggles

Motivation...

I need some....

Yesterday I woke up sick so I decided just to sleep most of the day, after an afternoon walk. Well it worked for the most part and I feel a ton better. My sour throat is gone and all that is left is some sinus stuff. But livable none the less!

Today I have decided is school work day. Deciding and doing are two totally different things. I dropped the boys off at the Vikings game. They were able to get really cheap tickets late last night and I found out this morning that their plan for getting down there was me. I don't care because it saves money with parking and stuff and traffic wasn't too bad. That and we really aren't that far away from the dome.

So now I try to find motivation.... maybe it's hiding out on the couch.. under a blanket. Maybe it's in my dreams and I should go looking there. Or maybe I should stop making excuses and just do it.

Things Seem To Come To Me In Fives

1. Found some more good underwear... still need some more but bought only 3 pairs to see if I like these. So far so good!

2. The eating and conversation at Eric's cousin's house was excellent and glad I went. Isn't that always the way it works. The end of the day and you don't really feel like something but once you do it, you end up really appreciating that you did and enjoying yourself. It was fun to hear family stories and listen to them reminisce.

3. Prayer... Something I realized this last week is that I missed others praying. Monday I was sitting in class and the proff prayed before we started class. I missed that. Being in a year of praying for everyone else, taking care of everyone else, I missed someone taking care of my faith and nurturing that in me. The crazy thing is that I didn't even know it was missing or that I missed it so much. Also on Friday I sat in chapel and realized how much I miss being a congregation member and not having to lead. Don't get me wrong... I love leading too, but it's nice to be on the other end sometimes too again. I have also noticed that it's hard to want to go to church on Sunday mornings. Part of church for me the last year has been the relationship part with other people. To find a new church(s) seems sad and like the final step that internship is over. I found out how important relationships are to me while worshiping.

4. Why do we realize things after the fact? A lot of times we can't fully enjoy things until they are over... why is that?

5. I found myself envious of men this weekend. I am envious of their relationships with on another. I'm envious that they have something like "football" to hang out around and have meanless conversation. I want that! Women tend to lean towards more heavy conversation. Deeper conversation if you will. Not that I don't want that either, because I really enjoy that also. But I sometimes I just want meaningless conversation. Sunday afternoon I hung out with the boys at BWW and watched football. It was wonderful... things were said, comments were made, but nothing too deep, nothing really personal. And if there is anything personal it last for about 2 minutes, everyone gets the jist and then they move on. Not that I want that all the time, but sometimes it's kind of nice!

Underwear and Good Days

Not a lot new to post because all I did was sit in class all day.

Tonight we are headed to Eric's cousin's house for supper. Part of me wants to go and the other part is so overwhelmed by life (getting stuff done around the house) and homework. I just keep telling myself that it's okay to not stay all night and just come home at a decent time. We also just threw some laundry in and will throw it in the dryer before we head over there. That's how bad we needed to do laundry. Mainly because I'm running out of underwear that fits. I just need to break down and go buy some more at Vicky's. They have the best underwear! And what I have decided from this situation is that a good pair of underwear can really make your day better. A bad pair can make you uncomfortable all day and just make you crabby. So my new theory on crabby people is that they just need to go find a good pair of underwear. With that good pair of underwear you can take on the world.

Good pair of underwear = good day!

So tomorrow I will have good underwear again and a good day!

5 thoughts for the day before 8:30am

Few things to cover already this morning.

1. Lady in the campus center snoring.
This is the second week in a row that she has been here before 7:30am, pretending to read, and snoring in one of the chairs. The first week I gave her a break because I knew that she was waiting to do first week stuff that started at 8:30am. Why she was here before 7:30am.. no one really knows. I thought maybe she was just really excited. (could happen) This morning I woke her up when I came through the doors into the OCC and 3 or 4 people proceeded to do the same as they walked through the doors. This morning however there is nothing going on in the OCC that she would need to be here so early. I'm thinking skip the reading in the morning and sleep in that extra 1/2 hour. I hope she has a class at 8am and that's why she is up this early.

2. Creatures of habbit
This morning when I got here, took me about 3 minutes, I found myself with the urge to pee again. The urge to pee and actually having to pee are two different things. But none the less feeling like I might wet myeslf I decided I should probably visit the little girls room. Yup, only a dribble dribble, story of my life. But while I was going to the bathroom I had a revelation. (Maybe I should sit in the bathroom more often) My revelation was that I always go to the same stall. The second one from the door. This habbit has not changed in the year I was gone. I didn't even have to think about this, I just automatically go to that stall. What else do I do that I don't even realize? Something to ponder....

3. I find myself actually enjoying classes
Not that I hated them before but I view them in light of being out in the parish. I find that it is nice to have more ideas for the parish and ways to teach others. I am looking forward to my class on the Gospel of John and the epistles because it's so practical. All the texts that we are studing in depth are lectionary texts and will help me to write better sermons, always a plus. Our big project is a bible study for a congregation. I'm all about this also becasue I can actually use it at some point in the parish. Class just looks different from this side. I guess it has to do with growth. Always fun to be able to look back and see that I have actually grown and changed in the last year... besides getting wider :)

4. Getting wider
Speaking of growth.... I put on my black dress pants which I haven't had on since August 14th. Less than a month really. And they fit a LOT differently. I have grown a lot! I'm kind of scared to see how much larger I am going to get in the next couple of months. We are now at 29 weeks and 4 days.

5. Sweet Nectar
The lady sleeping on the OCC this morning made me really tired as soon as I got here. A little coffee, (half caff, half decaff), has REALLY helped. Now I can actually read for class now and not fall a sleep. Yay for caffeine!

Weekend Catch-up

Thought I would post quick before I started on the homework.

First thought of the day...
- I always feel like I need to seat belt myself in while sitting in the chair at the infodesk. Why?

Second thought...
This weekend was really good and relaxing. By weekend I mean Friday-Saturday. Friday we went to our first doctors appointment with Dr. Baker. I was kind of nervous, not really sure what to expect. Ended up being really good. I feel really relaxed about things and even more excited. She started to talk about some of the things that we will talk more about in the next few visits. More stuff on how I will know that I am going into labor, counting how many times the baby kicks in a hour. Things of those nature. It makes me excited and even more ready to have this baby. Today is the beginning of 29 weeks. 29 weeks and 1 day to be exact. Crazy how fast it's gone really. I have to get on the ball and sign us up for birthing classes. Oh and the doctors office gave us a free diaper bag. We already have one but it's nice to know that if something would happen we have a spare. Maybe I can just keep it in the car or something for a just in case.

Friday night we watched this crazy mini series on ABC Family called Samurai Girl. It's actually pretty good and of course now we are addicted. I think tonight might be the last part of the series. Along with watching Samurai Girl we also played Cribbage. Thanks Moe! Eric bought me a board for part of my birthday present and so we played a couple games. I won the first and he won the second. I'm getting the hang of it more and more. Learning how to count everything right and all the rules.

Saturday some friends of ours were in town. Really good to see them and catch-up. We met up at Ikea and then headed down to the Renaissance Festival. It was a lot of fun and we catch some good shows. I had never been there and always wanted to check it out. I figured since we won't always live this close we should probably go. After sitting through the traffic to get out we grabbed some supper at 9pm at Perkins. It was nice to just sit there and be the two of us later at night. Once we got home we figured out that we missed part 3 of the Samurai Girl mini series but got caught up with part 4.

And that leaves us at today. Eric is enjoying himself watching football all day and I am working. It's the first day of the season so he is pretty pumped. I'll get my husband back sometime after the superbowl.

Too Much Time

It's taken me a while to post today but here it is!

After that build up, not much new. I was scheduled to work at the desk from 7:30am-2pm but someone needed someone to cover part of their shift so I came back from 3:30pm-6pm. Good money is what I keep thinking, and I get paid to get stuff done! Go Me! Not hard work and I am making a little more money. It's already after 5 and I feel like I just got back here. If it was a slow Saturday it would be different working but there is a lot going on and I don't have a ton to do.

Today when I got back here at 3:30 there was a can of pop (unopened) and 5 Oreo cookies sitting on the desk. I assumed that they were someone's and Jeff was here ranting so I forgot to ask the person leaving where the cookies and pop came from. So, almost 2 hours later here they sit.

So the question is.. do you eat food that you have no idea where it came from? They aren't in any sort of wrapper. Who knows who has touched them. I think I'll go with the no eating of the cookies.

Eating of cookies leads me to another thing I was going to blog about. (I just realized that I have way too much time on my hands to blog this much.) But sitting here at the desk I have seen a lot of people that are REALLY over weight. To the point that they can't go up and down stairs. It's mostly because their knees are so bad from caring all that weight all the time. Being someone who has struggled with her weight her whole life I get that it's hard. But at the same time it makes me realize that I never want to be that big or allow myself to eat that much. The thought of allowing myself to do that scares me. I don't want to be a slave to food. I want to be able to move, go when and where I want to. To run up and down stairs and not be winded. I don't want to be tied down to a body like that. That is always motivation to me to walk a few more steps, eat a few bites less, and to love myself enough to care about my body.

REALLY?

So this afternoon I have some people, people being staff and students, who are playing the drums, sax, and just a bunch of random instruments right across the room from me in the main commons area. This is all wonderful and all for people who are walking through and the new students. It just really SUCKS for me trying to answer the phone!!!!

It kind of makes me mad. Of all the places to set this up. I can't hear anything. No one standing in front of me, no one on the phone. I can tell people are frustrated when they call on the phone and I keep asking them what. I can tell they are wondering where and the world I am answer the phone at.

They either need to not have the main switchboard in the middle of everything or not have the loudest instruments in a really small place. I think I need more coffee or maybe some Prozac.

Being A Good Lutheran

How can I possibly be a Lutheran.. hang out at a Lutheran institution and not drink coffee?!?!?! Not only am I tempted on a daily basis, but now I'm tempted on a minute by minute bases. It's like being a food addict and sitting at a buffet all day. Vowing to ones self not to eat anything. Doesn't happen! Can't happen.

Justification for my actions:
Eric and I are Lutheran ... therefore the baby will grow-up in the Lutheran tradition. Being a "good" Lutheran means that you drink a lot of coffee. Support the Fair Trade Coffee and stuff (also thinking globally). Because I am being a "good" mom, I need to slowly introduce my child to the finer things in the Lutheran tradition. I wouldn't want my child to grow-up feeling left out ever time there is coffee served... what kind of mother would I be?!?!

So:
Today I gave into the coffee. It's a slippery slope really. I figure I'm in the 3rd trimester and I can slowly introduce caffeine to the child. That way it's not such a shocker someday. I got half regular and half decaf. People say just drink decaf but I really love the kick it gives me. That doesn't make me a horrible person because I believe that I am not the only American that enjoys this feeling.

Therefore:
I am a happier person now. I can handle the million questions about the mailroom. I can handle the same little music ditty playing on a video over and over and over for 5 hours again today. I can handle questions about where the bathrooms are (which are located directly behind me and the sign is big and to my right). I can handle anything with a little bit of coffee!

Life IS good!

Who Does That?!?!

Who puts their empty pop can on the infodesk and walks away? The recycling bin thing is like 10 feet away. REALLY?!?!

1st Day of 1st Week / Should Have Been A Super Hero

So the seminary does this thing called "1st Week" It's for all the new students to come and get orientated to the seminary and all that is offered here.

I'm trying really hard to remember what it felt like to be the "new person." To now know anything about campus or what was going on. To have expectations and nervousness about what is ahead. It's interesting to see all of their faces and to watch people making new connections. I'm trying to remember what that was like in this space, in this place. Trying to be as welcoming as possible and ease some the craziness of the day. The infodesk is suppose to know everything. Know exactly who to contact in a matter of seconds. And at the same time sit here and look pretty.

Over the weekend I found that I missed coming up to work at 7:30am and having a good hour to just ease into the day. That hour that no one is really up yet and I have time to sit here and think. I don't usually like getting up early but for some reason have really enjoyed it. Maybe it's just my body preparing me to be a Mom. Weird!

Just a quick complaint for the day.... So I just got a call at the desk and of course someone else is not doing their job, aka checking messages. The person calling can't leave a message. The other phone number that I have feeds back into the full voicemail. There isn't anything I can do! BUT because I'm the infodesk I am magically suppose to run the seminary. So I transferred this person to someone else that does a little bit of booking rooms and now hope that I don't get another phone call from this lady. I really should have been born a super hero! Let's be honest...

I have now been asked about 6 times how people get their mail and how they get a mailbox. Just because we sit infront of the mailboxes and mailroom we now need to know everything about the mail. Soomething tells me that it would be better planning on the mailrooms part if they were actually here in the early mornings of first week to help field some of those questions. I know.. I'm just a guiness and I'm sure the first person to ever this! Once again... should have been born a super hero!

DONE

One more post for the day.... I'M DONE! Yup, that's right. I'm done with my approval essay. The last one of these kinds of essays. Happy Day! All I have to do is get it to the right people.

Dreaming of Winter

Oddly enough I am looking forward to cold days. I know.. weird. I never thought I would say that but alias I want cold. I need cold.

This morning it was a balmy 58 degrees. I blame it on the humidity because it's sitting at 100%. Normally I would walk outside and think that it was kind of chilly. Not today. It felt really great until I walked up the hill of death to work today. Isn't it suppose to get easier the more you do it, not tougher.

good vs bad

Woke up this morning to it thundering and lighting outside. Of course the first song that pops into my head is Garth Brook's "The Thunder Rolls." There.. all I had to say was the song title and you too will have it stuck in your head all day!

Very exciting day yesterday.. tiring but exciting!

Things I love:
1. Getting my hair cut
2. Getting my hair highlighted
3. New thing I love, getting my hair lowlighted as well
4. Thing I really love... paying only $5 for this whole process!
5. My sister-in-law and really good friend getting engaged
6. 10 minute conversations that leave you a better person
7. long conversations that leave you a better person
8. Almost being done with my approval essay for Sem. (would love it more if I were done!)
9. my Eric
10. that Eric has a job interview today... keep him in your prayers
11. that Eric is enjoying himself and has already started to find his nitch
12. Feeling the baby moving around and kicking
13. The anticipation of holding our little one

Things I don't like:
1. My swollen feet and legs

Overall I think I am doing pretty good and life is good.

Good ole' sleep

Feeling a little better this morning. More rested up. Still miss the coffee in the morning. Will probably hear me complain about no coffee till December some time. I feel like coffee was my only real vise. I liked my vise. I want my vise back! It's not like it's that bad. I don't have any other drug problem, alcohol isn't a problem. Coffee... coffee just makes me happy.. coffee makes me a real person in the morning, and sometimes at night.

I did get a lot of rest this weekend. Saturday night we had plans to go out to eat with SMH before she took in a show. That was good to catch up with her again. We have seen her more in this last month then almost the whole time we were living near Sioux Falls. I am going to miss our dates.

After we ate SMH took off. We had plans with some other friends but I just didn't have enough energy to be a good host. So we took a rain check. Eric went and played some more Wii and I passed out on the couch, probably around 7ish. Woke up to go to bed around 11pm or 12am and woke up again Sunday morning at 9:30am. Took another little nap Sunday afternoon. I think I am in the growing stage again. Getting ready in the morning is harder again and I require more sleep and food. Always learning to listen to my body.

Rise and Shine

Please tell me that I don't have to do anything tomorrow!

I'm in need of much needed rest.

Don't get me wrong. The last couple days have been great and have been really great to catch up with friends, but it's time for a rest. I am so tired that I can't totally give my all to a conversation. I feel like I space out and my listening skills aren't as great. I hate when I do that. I want to be totally present with people and not just half-way there.

Oh.. one little random thing. I have never had to write my initials in the whole year that I have been married. My whole initials that is. SMG. I find myself really having to think about it. We use initials at the desk so people know who did what. And because there were so many Sara(h)'s here when I worked here last I am use to using the initials HMS. So, long story short.... I am all sorts of messed up!

I'm really struggling today at the desk. Probably why the rant about needing rest. I slept for a good 9 hours last night but I still feel like I could go back to sleep in two seconds. I did have dumb dreams again last night, forgot to put on my wrist brace on one of my hands so I woke up with both hands a sleep again, and I woke up at 5:30am with a leg cramp in my left leg. Other then that it was a great sleep. And the thing is that all 3 of those things usually happen during the night so that wasn't even that bad of a night. I can't really complain too much.

Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open

Last night we grilled out with some friends from Sem. Eric was able to meet more people and feel like he is a part of this whole fiasco too. Stayed out probably later then I should have but it was fun to be outside and around good company. Also always fun to catch up and here about peoples lives for the past year and a half.

Today I'm working at the desk again. Trying to get people to get their schedules in so I know what I have to work with for the fall. It is also a bit of a crunch because I need to know if I should hire more people to fill spots. Always with the pulling of teeth though.

Yesterday got some more stuff unpacked around the house. Today's goal is to get some more unpacked and feel like we are actually moved in. We do need to take some more stuff down to storage but the elevator is broke for real this time and so that is going to have to wait. I just hope it gets fixed soon because I feel like the boxes and totes are going to start attacking at any moment. There are just so many of them and so much clutter. I am REALLY starting to hate clutter. Little by little though. I keep telling myself 9-10 months.. only 9-10 months.

Oh yeah.. and I need to write my Approval Essay. Only 17-20 pages long. Yeah kind of sucks! I just need to push through and do it. Normally I would make myself a hot cup of coffee with hot chocolate mix in it. Enjoy a few sips. Sit down in front of a computer screen. And start writing away. There is just something about that infusion of caffeine that really does it for me. It's my drug of choice really. Just thinking about it makes me happy inside. Excited really... but alas I can't do it. The baby wouldn't enjoy it too much. So for now I dream about it....

Here But Not Yet

Physically I'm back. Our "stuff" is here. We are slowly unpacking our lives again into a new place. Trying to pick-up from where we left off but finding that to be semi hard. Life is just different again. Both of us making changes to how we do things individually and as a couple. Eric is trying to find a job, always a lot of work and frustrating. He has been really working hard at looking and I am really proud of him for that.

Mentally I don't think we are really here yet. Still feels like a long weekend on vacation. Life has not totally gotten back to normal yet, whatever normal is. For some reason I feel less settled now then in all my years of moving. We added it all up and in the last 8 or 9 years I have moved 15 times. This moving thing should be a piece of cake, but for some reason I feel like I am having a hard time finding my feet under me and feeling like we are actually here.

I'm back at work, the infodesk. Doesn't feel like much has changed but at the same time everything has changed. Or maybe it's just that I have changed. I forget how much time has passed. It's been almost a year and a half since I have lived here and sat behind this desk. I'm married now. My last name has changed. Which I'm not use to people not knowing me by married name now. We are expecting a little one the end of November. So much living and so many milestones have happened in the last year.

Maybe it feels like I am taking a step back by being here. I feel ready to be in a congregation. I want to be settled. I find myself missing the familiarity of the routine that Eric and I had.

Internship always seems like it will be simple. Move for a few months, learn, and come back to continue where you left off. But it's not like that. For that year people became our family and helped us grow as people and as a couple. For a year we shared our lives with people. A very formative point in our lives as we were newly married. And for a year we were really close to good friends. Many good friends. We were close to a place that both of us knew well and we didn't have to rely on the other.

So I still feel like I am here but not yet. I feel like this isn't really reality yet. Not really a dream but not really reality.

Ugh!!!

What a weekend...

I am so tired...

I am so tired from packing, moving, and unpacking. From getting up at 4:30am and driving 4.5 hours.

I am so tried from figuring out all of the mailing changes, insurance stuff, cable set-up, and our little fender bender situation.

Oh did I mention our fender bender situation. This older gentleman backed into the side of our car in the Wendy's parking lot. Oh wait, it gets better. It was on Friday lunch time right before we went to pick-up the moving truck. And it gets better. This little fender bender put us behind in time for picking up the truck about 45min to an hour. AND because the Wendy's parking lot is "private property" the police dude that showed up 30-45min after we called couldn't issue a ticket to the guy. But the nice police man did brake it to the guy that if he could issue a ticket it would be his fault. So.. we were worried that we would have to fight about it with this older gentleman's insurance. Heard from his insurance guy this afternoon... as the cable guy was here and didn't know what he was doing.. and had to make a statement.

Good news, his insurance is taking liability for it!

Badnews, Eric didn't know how to help the cable guy so he left and told us to reschedule. GRRR.... it was just that he didn't know what he was doing. So... 5 hours later from when we were suppose to have cable, that same guy is coming back to actually set it up. I hope he can figure it out this time. This all happened after I checked around and called Comcast back to tell them he just didn't know what he was doing. Sometimes I feel like I have to do other peoples jobs for them.

Slowly but steadily we are getting moved in. Hung up some pictures this evening so that always makes me feel better. I know I am going to sleep well tonight after such a long day!

Movement

What a great weekend. Tiring but great!

Friday night we babysat our nephew. He is such a good little kid, he will be 2 in October and is so good. We went over to some friends and grilled out. We then just sat around the fire and talked. It was great! Much needed time just to be. It was also fun to see Eric in the parent roll. JJ fell asleep in his arms while we were sitting around the fire. I know it meant so much to him and it was so cute.

Saturday we packed things up around here. Eric ended up not having to work so we had the day to do things together around the house. It was actually a lot of fun. Then Sara came up for Supper. It was great. We ate supper, watched some Olympics, okay so more yelling at the tv, and then Eric's parents came. It was just a great night. Eric and Sara tried to see how much watermelon they could eat. They are both so competitive and just can't help themselves when the other throws down a challenge.

Sunday was my last day at LCDR. I didn't know how hard it would be to say good-bye. It felt good to have that sermon done and I made it through both of them without too many tears. I will really miss the congregation. They have made my year here bery blessed. It is always good to be able to look back on a year and to be thankful for all that God has given you.

Today I went to my last doctors appointment in Sioux Falls. It has been a couple of days of good-byes. That was also hard because I have been going there for about 5 years now.

So many changes. Good and bad. A lot to let go of and so much to look forward to.