It's green outside.. which means SUMMER!

11 more days till classes are done.... so much to do but it feels manageable right now. The problem is that when things feel too manageable I wait to the last minute. So this weekend I have set goals for myself. I need to get at least one paper done and a half of another one done. Pretty reasonable I think. I'm starting to think that my life is about goals.

I am looking forward to this summer when my life will not be marked by goals.... well papers that is. I am so hesitant to plan too much, or take away from my somewhat carefree summer. This will be the last summer, and the first one in a long time, which I will be able to do what I want, when I want, and how I want.....or at least have the illusion of that. And that sounds so good to me right now. I am helping out with VBS the first weekend of June (which I wanted to do.) I told my mom I would paint the living room for her (which I love to do.) I am going out to camp to hangout with the kids and the horses for a week or maybe a few, we will see how the summer goes. I am going to work on wedding stuff, hopefully not doing this last minute so it will be fun to do and not stressful. I just look forward to having some Sarah time. I want to read a book or two. Harry Potter comes out in June or July.. I can't remember, so I will read that and I need to read the last book which came out to prepare for the last book. I wan to get back into my R.R Martin books.

I am still hovering at about 35lbs lost so far. I'm okay with that. Every time I get discouraged I bring myself back to the fact that I have already lost 35lbs and how much more healthy my body already is. I know that my insides thank me and that's really what this is about. I really don't want to get caught-up in the need to just look good but how to live a healthy life style... that includes my boundaries and saying "no." Which I think is the hardest thing for me so far.

I should stop using all my words here and actually write a paper on my theology of pastoral care. It will go something like this... Jesus love you, God is good, be good to others because Jesus has given you salvation and the Holy Spirit to guide and help you. Amen. So why the need for the 4-6pages :)

Am I that way?

I'm done with my last contextual education meeting of my life. Done and Done.... but not without a lot of pain first.

It had to be the worst meeting EVER. It was 4 pastors sitting around talking about their programs for the homeless and how wonderful they are. Throwing around statistics, talking about Africa and the problems. Amazingly most of them didn't even take a breath in between sentences, I think mainly so that no one could interrupt them so they could hear their own voice.

What I learned from today is that I don't want to be like that... it's not for me. To watch those pastors act that way made me ashamed. It even turned me off from being a pastor, taking that title. They talk about others but are so focused in on themselves.

Am I that way? I kind of feel that way right now. I have so many obligations that I feel like either I don't have time and/or others have to work around me. Maybe it's just the end of the school year thing, maybe it's the wedding, maybe...

Five to the Teen

15 more days..... and the count down keeps on.

And so does this headache. For some reason I get it when I get to work. Not even after I have been here a while, but as soon as I step behind the desk. Sad...... I use to love this job because it was so stress free. It was just every once and a while that it was stressful. I need to figure out how to cope and let go. I can't do anything about how others act, I can only do something about how I react to it. Why is that so hard to remember and even harder to do?!?!?!?!

I think chapel today was the shortest it has ever been. A record 17min., if that... WOW

seventeen

Seventeen more days until school is out.... you would think that I would be working harder on school work, but I'm not. Maybe this coming week... maybe.

This weekend has been great. Thursday was a little rocky and I just really needed some Eric time. I hoped all day that he would show up sometime that day and surprise me. The problem with hoping for things someone else might do is that you probably will get let down. So Thur evening I spent it kind of bummed out. But I also knew that wasn't fair to Eric either or anyone else. So I kind of fell asleep on the couch watching tv and tried to go to bed around 10:30. No luck, I just tossed and turned. Around 11:30 Eric called to say he couldn't sleep. That he wanted to come cuddle... so I told him to come... and he said, well then let me in. He surprised me! What a wonderful surprise! Just what I needed. Just in the moment of somewhat loneliness and a long week. I am so blessed!

So I think we are going to try to go to a movie tonight. We always say that we are going to and then get too tired to go anywhere. But not tonight...

19

It still makes me feel good to count down...

I have been realizing the last couple of days that I am overly stressed. It's weird how it sneaks up on you like that. I have been noticing that I am over irritable lately. I get frustrated quickly and little things that really aren't a big deal are getting to me more. At the time I know that they aren't that big of a deal but it's hard to change my reaction to them or be effected by them. This is not healthy for me nor is it healthy for others around me.

So the question is, how do I deal better. Life in ministry is going to be full of stress. Overreacting or just getting frustrated with a situation won't help anyone. I'm not sure if others have notice yet but I have noticed and I guess that's what counts.

So I think I need to come up with methods of dealing. One of those might be getting to the gym more regularly. I've been really bad at this lately again. I also think that I need to integrate some type of devotion into my mornings, get a centering point before I have to go meet the world. I need to remember to ask myself, "What am I going to do for me today? How am I going to rejuvenate?" I haven't been so good at that lately. I have once again felt the pressures of everyone else and everything else only to fall into the thoughts that I can take on the world and at the same time I can't do anything.... which oddly enough draws me into overeating so I can cope. None of which are good things...

The good thing is that I recognize the problem.. which I am told is most of the battle. So I continue to wage the war against life and it's craziness. With only 19 days of school left I will survive. I will learn. I will get my papers written. I will take time for myself. I will take time for Eric. Wedding stuff will get done after the 19 days are up. And all this will help my relationships with others.

26 days

26 more days till classes are done!!!!

And the countdown continues.....

I can check another thing off my list as of 9pm last night. The small catechism and the 28 articles of the Augsburg Confession. Done and Done.

I am also 3.5 lbs closer to my goal of 15 in 4 with 3 months and 28 days left.

For some reason I feel so much better when I can count down or make a list of "Things To Do." I love the feeling of crossing things off. A nerd, maybe... crazy, defiantly.

The sun is shining... people are wearing sandals... I'm not, but wish I were, later today for sure. It's warm outside. I haven't had to run the heater in a while, which saves me money. All of these things are good!

So today I thank my God. I thank Him because I once again die to self today and am raised a new in Him. I have been forgiven and loved even though I am a lost an condemned person. I am blessed that I get to hear His promise given for ME everyday.

29 days

29 more days...... of classes! ... or I should say left before classes are done.

And the countdown begins. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to be done with the papers and the thinking... at least for now.

29 days are doable, it's a little under a month. So much to get done before then but doable. 4 weeks really. 4 weekends....

This weekend is a wedding weekend. We are picking out tuxes Sat morning. Sat afternoon we are taking engagement pictures, I think that's suppose to be fun... Sat night is some type of relaxation... Sunday morning Eric's parents are coming up to my parent's house for church, brunch, and talk about wedding logistics.

weekend 2 is work... work.. work... probably a good time to get a lot of school work done.

weekend 3 Eric is coming up here... probably get some work in too.

weekend 4 I am going back to South Dakota to get Eric's ring and get some good hangout time with my maid-of-honor.

In the craziness time will go fast. And it's nicer out again... which means more walks... good conversation.

29 more days.... oh what can happen in 29 days...