Doctors Appointment

Just had a doctors appointment. I was really disappointed with the doctors office today. I got there at 2:00pm thinking that my appointment was at 2:10pm. Only to find out that I was scheduled at 12:10pm. I looked in my little blue bible to see if maybe I had assumed something or if I made a mistake. What I had written down was 2:10pm. Who knows who messed up. Good possibility that it could have been me. At that point it didn't matter I had to figure out a solution. Once the receptionist told me that I was suppose to be their earlier she just stood there and stared at me. So I asked her what I should do next... I don't know how this whole thing works. All I know is that I am suppose to see the doctor once a week. If it had just been me I probably would have gone home and come back next week, thinking whatever. But the problem is that it's not just me anymore and I have this other life inside of me that I need to think of. Not fair to him if something is wrong and I would never forgive myself if I just didn't care enough to make a stink about seeing the doctor. So I asked what I should do next.... She told me I could either reschedule for Friday (ugh) or see the nurse. Well, I know that I am suppose to see the doctor only now and I know nurses are good people but what do they know about a prenatal check-up? So I questioned the receptionist if I could see the nurse. She just kind of looked at me again and was like or you could come back on Friday. Then I asked her again, but is it "okay" for me to see the nurse? She was like yeah, why not. I just wanted some more information to be able to make an informed decision, I'm not asking for your attitude. So I said okay, I will see the nurse then. About 5 minutes later I get called back to do the lab thing. The lab person walked past the bathrooms that I knew about to pee in the cup and as she was about 5 feet in front of me she says to no one walking in front of her, "can you give a sample." At first I wasn't even sure if it was her talking much less to me. And I was confused because we had passed the bathrooms. So I asked her, "What was that?" Then she asked me again so I did that whole business and went into the lab to check weight and blood pressure. Found out that I lost 2lbs and my blood pressure is down... which is great! But the lab person was super impersonal and just kind of like whatever. Then she took me into a room and told me to get undressed from the waist down and wait. Never told me why I was undressing or what was going on. So there I sat for a few minutes waiting for the "nurse" and just feeling like crap. Maybe a little like cattle being herded around. And I started lamenting about my doctor in Sioux Falls. How much I loved Dr. Scott and all the of staff. I lamented about how I never felt like I was just a thing. And being 37 1/2 weeks prego.. and emotional the tears started coming. I tried really hard to keep it in. If I could just get through the visit and then go out into my car and let it go. I tried so hard but the nurse practitioner came in and I just couldn't hold it in. And she noticed right away and was very concerned. And so we talked. And she was very understanding. And I found out that she wasn't just a nurse but a nurse practitioner... big difference. And I feel bad because it's not about being nervous about labor. I just am not really worried about that part. I am looking forward in a weird way to experiencing the process. I am looking forward to overcoming and having this little miracle at the end. And the other part is that I like my doctor here. Dr. Baker has been great, it's just her staff that I have not been impressed with at all. And I just needed to be frustrated for a while because I use to have the whole package.

But after really listening to me and talking we did the check-up. She checked the baby's heartbeat. Everything is good there. I was able to ask the questions I wanted and she was so great about answering them. I was surprised to learn that I am 1cm. I guess that doesn't mean that the baby is going to come tomorrow or the next day. It just means that my body is really preparing itself and starting the process. Also if something would happen and they would need to induce, it means that it wouldn't take much to induce me.

So there you have it. An up and down day. Exciting to know that I am close to having the baby. It's also exciting to know that my body is really ready to have this baby. But also just emotional. And so I take it one moment at a time. And in those moments everything will get done.